All hell breaks loose. And we’d been thrilled about spending time here

WE’VE had to move out of the house temporarily while we’re having our bathroom redone. A relative kindly offered us their summer house in the picturesque village of Dunmore East. We were thrilled. Or at least the adults in the family were. The children – not so much.

‘There’s nothing to do out there!’ moaned The Youngest as we drove to our new temporary residence. ‘What do you mean there’s nothing to do? We can go for walks, go to the playground, play tennis...’

‘You’re crap at tennis,’ The Teenager replied. This is true, but that doesn’t stop me from attempting to play it every so often. What he really means is he wouldn’t be seen dead on a tennis court with me.

When we arrived at the house, we did a quick recce. Thirty seconds later a deafening shriek resonated through the entire building. The Youngest came tearing into the living room, followed closely by her old brother who was ashen faced.

‘There’s NO WIFI,’ she roared in disbelief. Funny how I forgot to mention that fact to them. ‘Is there not?’ I said feigning surprise. ‘Sure it will be grand. We’ll chat... and play board games,’ it will be great fun.

The offspring are furious and stomp off to their bedrooms muttering every obscenity known to man. And if I’m being honest, I’m a little apprehensive myself. I spend quite a lot of time myself on the internet, checking and sending emails, looking at instagram, pinterest, my news and shopping apps. A digital detox would not be my first choice of relaxation either I can tell you.

So the first night in and disaster strikes – I forgot to buy wine! This does not bode well for the evening. The children are sitting sullen-faced on the sofa, huddled in double hoodies as the oil for the heating has run out. They’ve also discovered there’s no tv.

Himself produces the old reliable – Trivial Pursuit. He divides us into teams – Me and The Teenager, Him and The 12-year-old. I know this isn’t going to end well as Himself and The Teenager are hugely competitive and will kill each other on opposite teams.

That is exactly what happens. The Eldest tells his father he is being childish while Himself retaliates by saying he’s a bad loser. The Teenager calls him a cheat and Himself demands he apologise, which of course he refuses to do. I try to defuse the situation and am told I am siding with the child. We all go to bed not talking.

The second night I have the cop-on to buy wine. Meanwhile, I discover there is no dishwasher so all the dishes and umpteen glasses and cups have to be washed by hand. My hand! This does not make me happy.

The board games are uneventful until The Youngest calls The Eldest a liar and all hell breaks loose. We all start shouting at each other. ‘This wouldn’t happen if we had wifi!’ declares The Youngest.

She has a point. When we have wifi we just don’t talk to each other. And we get on great!

IS THERE NO WIFI? SURE IT WILL BE GRAND. WE’LL CHAT... AND PLAY BOARD GAMES