Time to put a stop to our desire to be some kind of mini America

OK enough is enough! It’s time to call a halt to all these little Americanisms that have infiltrated our Irishness in recent years and threatened to steal our identity. We are Irish. That means we eat spuds, drink tae and need no excuse for a party. We may have developed a fondness for Netflix and Google but that doesn’t mean we have to subscribe to every crazy tradition the Yanks believe in.

First it was Trick or Treat. Sorry now, but when I was growing up there was no such thing as Trick or Treat. It was “Penny for Halloween.” You went out dressed up in a black bin bag or old sheet and pestered the neighbours for sweets or if you were really lucky, a few bob.

Then we started the tradition of Black Friday, the informal name for the Friday after Thanksgiving Day when all the big stores in America launch sales. And sure if we have Black Friday we may as well celebrate Thanksgiving. Correct me if I’m wrong but that’s not on the list of official Irish holidays. We have Christmas, the Americans have Thanksgiving. You can’t have both.

Then….wait for it…….we started Elf on The Shelf, a tradition which I’m told originated in America. This involves the parents purchasing an Elf who then keeps an eye on the kids behaviour while he himself gets into all sorts of mischief as staged by stressed out parents. Each night you move him to a different location where he gets up to more devilment.

I have never subscribed to the Elf of the Shelf tradition for a couple of reasons. Number one, I don’t have the bloody energy or imagination to be moving around an elf each night and coming up with different scenarios to put him in. Secondly, threats of “Santa is watching!” never worked on my kids so I doubt a tiny plastic doll is going to have much impact. And thirdly I’m not American.

But the straw that really broke the camel’s back this year, was the Christmas Eve box. Yes you read it correctly – The Christmas Eve Box. Another tradition created by some mad American. Apparently you buy the box, fill it with treats and toys and give it to your kids on Christmas eve.

Are you insane??? Why would you give your kids a whole heap of presents the night before Santa comes?!! Apart from anything else it’s totally excessive and puts pressure on people to spend money that they don’t have. It also kind of steals Santa’s thunder and we all know he’s the Main Man.

Next thing you know we’ll be celebrating 4th of July, wearing loudly patterned shirts and voting for politicians who have comb-overs and fake tan.

We are on the slippery slope!

ARE YOU INSANE??? WHY WOULD YOU GIVE YOUR KIDS A WHOLE HEAP OF PRESENTS THE NIGHT BEFORE SANTA COMES?!!