TREASURING THE SIMPLE THINGS

The past eighteen months have been a roller coaster and I was in a tunnel of darkness for what seems like an eternity. Yet now, I know that in hindsight, I am truly blessed.

Over a year ago I lost my job. Being around the house all day was hard and I quickly went down that dark tunnel. I couldn’t see my way out of there and the heaviness on my shoulders was constant. We had a mortgage to pay, it was getting near Christmas again – no presents bought yet and our fuel tank was low. Covid didn’t help either. My dear wife, Áine, was amazing, always looking for the positive. I was aware of the toll the situation was having on her.

My first port of call was to Social Welfare, where I was treated with respect, kindness and a listening ear. The ladies were wonderful and the swiftness the financial benefit was received and appreciated was brilliant. However, my elation quickly subsided as I still hadn’t informed the bank. Weeks had gone by and in ignoring possible repossession, I was subconsciously hoping the situation would miraculously change. After all I had been actively looking for work. I was forced to face this problem two and a half months after defaulting to pay the mortgage.

On one of my many walks to get out of the house, I bumped into Brian. I barely recognised him. He and I had been in college and on the same course together. We had become good friends. But once we graduated, we went to different countries. He suggested we go for a pint to catch up. I liked the idea of this, but was mentally totting up how much money I had in my pocket. I was to get bread and milk on the way home. Brian got the drinks and I welcomed the distraction from my boring routine.

Brian had moved to NY, met an Irish girl, got married, had children and now was a granddad. Life had been kind to him. The family returned to Ireland ten years ago, where he took up a job with AIB. My ears pricked up at this. Perhaps Brian could advise me on how to avoid repossession by the bank. He asked me to e-mail some details and we arranged a meeting for the following week.

I ran all the way home to tell Áine the good news. That evening I experienced a ray of hope and felt lighter in myself.

By coincidence that evening, Mary and Tom, our two grownup children, working and still living at home, had just committed to contributing €100 each weekly towards household bills. It was a shock to Áine and me, but we were grateful for this. That evening Áine suggested a meeting the following night to work out a budget, to see how we could cut back on things. Mary and Tom were also invited, as any cutbacks would also affect them. She also thought it would be good to show this to Brian at the schedule meeting.

Áine, aware of the seriousness of the situation, was very efficient in bringing to our meeting bank statements, a list of streaming TV channels we subscribed to, a list of takeaways we regularly ordered, telephone charges, entertainment costs, electricity and fuel bills. We were all stunned by the cost of our outgoings. The evening was a long one with much moaning and heated debates. New household rules were drawn up! Lights were to be switched off in rooms not used, washing machine use and food shopping better co-ordinated, a number of streaming packages were cut including the sports, much to Tom’s and my own annoyance. We restricted ourselves to spending €10 on Christmas presents for one another. The number of takeaways were restricted.

Thanks to Áine going with me to the meeting with Brian, our challenges didn’t seem so daunting and doable. She had provided an extensive summary of our outgoings and cuts made. Mary and Tom stuck to their commitment and during that week the atmosphere was lighter in the house. My feelings of isolation and depression slowly lifted despite the challenges the “new rules” brought. We were in this mess together.

Last Christmas was the best Christmas we had in a long time, spending more time together, walking, playing board games, visiting friends and family. Restricting ourselves to spending €10 on each person involved a lot more thought, effort and time in the process. Such thoughtfulness brought a deeper sense of love, caring and greater ease in being with each other. Whilst the mortgage is still there, we are now able to keep on top of it.

I know my story is shared by many and I know the dark tunnel it can bring you mentally. But there is light at the end! My sincere best wishes to you all for this Christmas. Know that great love can come out of a dark situation. The simple things in life are to be treasured.