A total ban isn’t the way to protect our children from the ills of social media

Over the weekend I read a piece about Kate Winslet and her treatment of social media when it comes to her children – she bans it. Earlier this week, I read another piece about some online ‘star’ using social media to announce that she was quitting social media. The former is a 40 year old woman, the latter a 19 year old teenager, yet both were saying the same thing; the modern day culture of ‘ likes’ was a destructive force.

Although I agree I found it curious that in both their cases, they opted to eliminate the thing rather than manage it. Social media is a powerful tool and the default mode of communication not least amongst our teenagers. It has many pitfalls but to ban it entirely could, contrary to opinion, equally be lazy parenting. It is also unfair.

Every generation has their thing. The phone in the hall was mine. What was said on the phone might never have been said face to face; it was both my camouflage and my mirror.

Of course the accusation today is that social media affords no camouflage; everything is there to be shown off, expressed and shared. Strangers are more important than friends and online commentary more valid that interpersonal relations. It is the nature of the beast and it lends itself all too generously to that.

However social media is not the boss. It has its entertainment value but past that it should not dictate. I use social media but I don’t base my worth on it. That’s a more intimate affair.

In the real world I could wear a super pair of jeans and get no compliment on them – does that mean I won’t wear them again? I accept I am a ‘mature’ woman and less vulnerable than an insecure teenager but still I am against denying same said teenager that which defines their generation. Protection and putting our heads in the sand are not the same thing. For sure, social media makes a parent’s job harder; another dangerous road to navigate safely. But its up to us to equip them by building self-esteem into their visibility vest and securing self-worth as their pedestrian-crossing. Not easy but not impossible either.

Of course over-exposure is the enemy and for that I agree with bans. Not least the phone has no place at the dinner-table or in company and why tell the husband you love him online when he’s alongside you in the bed? In fact why be online at all when your husband’s in the bed? Just like smoking, the side-effects of social media are slowly emerging; in fact a smoking-type ban on it would have its merits. Having a technology area alongside the smoking area might not be a bad thing.

Social media is not real life. It is not the full story. It is snapshots of lives lived. The happier times will always be shared but that’s just the way of the world. We need to get over that. Remember the postcard?

Waiting for a bus, go on Facebook. Waiting for a life, perhaps best to get off it.