Nappies for cows in Cork could be incinerated in the Kingdom
LORD MAYOR OF KNOCKNAGREE CANDIDATES ARE GETTING FIRED UP FOR A CAMPAIGN WITH NO HOLDS BARRED
Each of the candidates will host special events in the run up to election day on the June bank holiday.
EXCITEMENT is mounting in Knocknagree ahead of the village’s ‘Lord Mayor Contest’ which kicked off in great style at Ferris’ Fairfield Tavern on Easter Saturday night where Knocknagree GAA, Juvenile GAA and the ladies football club each unveiled their candidates. Knocknagree Ladies Football Club began proceedings with their impressive nominee, Noreen McSweeney, pledging to introduce a ‘Lovely Lads’ pageant akin to the Rose of Tralee festival with the winner getting a holiday in Kiskeam.
She also promised to increase employment opportunities in the area with a six point plan which included the local manufacture of nappies for cows.
She generously conceded that once used they could be incinerated across the border in Kerry and ended her speech by urging the public to “vote early, vote often, vote McSweeney!”.
Knocknagree GAA club nominee James Dennehy cut a fine dash in a tailored suit. His plan to increase employment in the area was equally sharp, as he vowed to transform Knocknagree with the construction of a multiplex bar and casino. Free banking and easy credit would make it sure fire success, added James.
Knocknagree Juvenile’s bright and young prospect for the position was David ‘Rory’ O’Connor. Accompanied by bodyguards, O’Connor called on the people to put their trust in youth. His campaign slogan; ‘A vote for Rory is a vote for glory’ really seemed to strike a chord with the full house attendance. There was, however, a dramatic moment when an audience member stormed the stage and demanded a candidate to represent Kerry.
He claimed that keeping the election exclusive to Cork based candidates was unfair in a village that had such strong connections with his beloved Kingdom of Kerry.
Order was restored when it was agreed a Kerry candidate could run. Mairead Carmody accepted Mike Doyle’s nomination and immediately pledged to turn Knocknagree green and gold if she is elected. Over the course of the next few weeks each candidate will host a theme night in the village. More fun, wit, and sport is assured.
Ballots can be purchased locally, the proceeds of which will go towards the construction of a new club gym and dressing rooms.
The new Lord Mayor will be elected during the June Bank holiday weekend when Knocknagree hosts its Lord Mayor Festival.