IKettle

The mythical grey underpants and sub-par schooling might have been what cartooonists and columnists tittered at, but John Major’s biggest signal to the world at large that he was a normal person was that his wife Norma installed a Goblin Teasmade at Number 10. Hailing from the glory days of invention (it was patented in 1892), it was a device aimed at the ordinary working man. A certain bravery was required to use the original Goblins, as they had a pilot light and gas burner, plus a lot of clockwork. The two possible outcomes were perfectly timed tea – or death.

In the iKettle, the flame of such inventions still burns fearlessly. The iKettle is the first app-controlled wi-fi kettle, which at first sounds so utterly pointless it could be a sign of the Apocalypse.

But I hate to admit this, I’ve rather warmed to the thing. Like lots of people these days, my alarm clock is my phone (iKettle sensibly warms to both iPhones and Androids) and being able to set the kettle on at the same time is another layer of convenience that should help human brains de-evolve back into apes over the next few million years. More strait-laced types can programme the iKettle to boil for afternoon tea.

For live TV, it’s a godsend, with no danger of pausing the Sky box and ‘seeing into the future’ on other people’s Facebook posts. The iKettle has pilfered ideas from far and wide, and keeps water hot for 30 minutes at the ‘perfect’ temperature for each drink. Coffee, for instance, is best just below boiling at 95°C. Green tea should be served at a positively cool 80°C, usually in an annoyingly small cup.

Not that, I imagine, Norma or John would have had much truck with green tea.