Piers Morgan on cruiser control with his sons
Piers Morgan and his sons discover their ideal holiday – roving the French Riviera on a gleaming 75ft cruiser
SATURDAY, AUGUST 20
‘Money can’t buy you happiness,’ observed rock star David Lee Roth, ‘but it can buy you a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside it.’
I’ve been on many fancy boats in my time and Roth’s premise is entirely correct: even without ever owning one, the experience has always made me feel very happy.
So when my three sons – Spencer, 23, Stanley, 19, and Bertie, 15 – suggested a ‘lads holiday’ on the ocean waves, I googled ‘Charter yachts, French Riviera’ faster than Usain Bolt runs 100m and seduces women.
Our chosen vessel was Oasis, a gleaming white 75ft Sunseeker Manhattan, which can sleep up to eight guests and boasts four en suite cabins (all equipped with high-quality linen, towels, Molton Brown shampoo etc).
I sourced it through Sunseeker Charters in Poole down in Dorset, which runs a very efficient pre-boarding online system in which you provide a comprehensive wish-list of food, drink and even water-sport preferences.
We requested everything from Yorkshire Gold tea, Weetabix and Puligny Montrachet wine, to live fishing bait and a set of free weights. All of it was waiting for us when we boarded in Antibes after our flight to nearby Nice.
Our crew is Captain Darren Drew, a calm, jocular and experienced yacht master who bears a comforting resemblance to Olympic sailing legend Ben Ainslie; his wife Rachel, the Angela Hartnett of the seas, who was to provide us with dazzlingly good and varied feasts for breakfast and lunch; and a delightful stewardess, Roseanna.
We cruised down to Monaco and then headed to Quai des Artistes, a charming port-side restaurant, where we dined outside on delicious sea bass. The perfect start to what I already suspect is going to be a pretty perfect holiday.
SUNDAY
Had a great night’s sleep. Boats, it transpires, are remarkably stable and comfortable when berthed. It’s only when you’re anchored out in the ocean without stabilisers that things get rocky and rolly, as I discovered this afternoon. Much to my sons’ amusement, a few large swells swept through and enveloped me with nausea.
The cure came in the form of two Sea-Bands, knitted elasticated bands which apply pressure to your wrists, Chinese acupuncture-style, via plastic studs. It sounds a bit bonkers but it works. We spent the day and night in Villefranche, deservedly reputed as one of the world’s five most beautiful bays, and surprisingly un-crowded. ‘Lots of people cancelled trips after the Nice terror attack,’ explained Captain Drew.
Dinner was at Trastevere, one of a number of chic bistros on the waterfront. In a defiant gastronomic two fingers to Isis, which despises such Western largesse, I devoured l’escargot, rib-eye steak, a splendid cheese plate, several very large glasses of fine claret, and a giant tumbler of whiskey.
‘Dad, are you hooned?’ asked Spencer suspiciously as I swayed erratically on the walk home.
‘What doth that mean?’ I slurred. ‘Ah, so you are.’ ‘Sea sickness,’ I fibbed.
MONDAY
Spent an idyllic day swimming, snorkelling and paddle-boarding in the gorgeously unspoiled bay of Anse des Fosses, adjacent to Cap Ferrat. The only jarring note, literally, was our onboard music. Suffice to say, my own tastes do not collide with my sons. Hence a relentless battle between Sinatra and Kanye West, Ella Fitzgerald and Bastille. One I usually lost. Today there seemed to be an especially ghastly cacophony of screeching rats.
‘What is this garbage?’ I growled.
‘It’s a Top 40 lucky dip,’ said Spencer. ‘Are we just very unlucky then?’ Late in the afternoon we sailed up to Antibes and dined at the Nacional restaurant in the heart of the old town. ‘Tell me what to have,’ I said to the waitress.
‘Pork fillet stuffed with foie gras and oyster mushrooms,’ she replied, firmly.
It was one of the best dishes I’ve tasted in my entire life. The boys went for a variety of steaks and all gave similarly ecstatic reviews.
TUESDAY and WEDNESDAY
Headed three hours north to Ile