Quotes OF THE WEEK

‘Meryl Streep has 20 Oscar nominations but only won three. It’s official – she’s the biggest Oscar loser in history.’ Oliver Callan, comic, with a hardhitting alternative fact

‘We’re struggling at the boarding gate because far too many passengers are turning up with half the contents of their homes now.’ Michael O’Leary, Ryanair boss, on passengers breaking the rules with their carry-on baggage

‘Technically, if you look at it today, I was a kind of a torturer.’ Bob Stewart, Conservative MP who was a British Army commander in Northern Ireland during the Troubles, on the treatment of IRA suspects while he was there

‘Viewers see me all glammed up and make-up done and smiling, but they don’t see the tears of frustration or when I’m dragging myself out of bed at 6am.’ Dr Eva Orsmond, on competing on Dancing With The Stars

‘It’s absurd and ridiculous that a man who has filed for corporate bankruptcy four times is running the largest economy in the world.’ Cate Blanchett, actress, on Donald Trump

‘Any proposal which drives up the costs of tequila or margaritas is a bad idea.’ Lindsey Graham, Republican senator, on Donald Trump’s plan to slap a large tax on Mexican imports

‘Once I was so out of it I nodded off during my driving test. I woke up and found a note saying, “You’ve failed.”’ Ozzy Osbourne, rock legend

‘Pop stars earn only two kinds of money: not as much as you think and more than you could ever dream of.’ Bob Geldof