SMOKES & DAGGERS

THE KEYNOTE speaker this week at Edelman PR’s Trust Barometer event was retired judge Nicholas Kearns. During his address he quoted former senator – and dentist – Martin McAleese on Brexit, saying it will be like extracting a tooth with 1,000 roots. Only more painful, it would seem…

SENATOR David Norris, right, is in rare form these days. His Labour counterpart Kevin Humphreys was speaking on the story of the week: An Garda Síochána’s phantom breath tests. As he was concluding his remarks about the extra, unexplained tests – figures inflated over the years by 937,000, says the force – Mr Norris piped up, putting forward one possible explanation, ‘I have been breathalysed one million times…’ A SPECIAL little day has finally arrived for a special little man. Nine months after Patrick O’Donovan’s appointment as Junior Sports Minister, his senior minister, Shane Ross, has finally given the Limerick TD official powers and responsibilities. It is believed Patrick will be the new Michael Ring, permitted to distribute the readies from the Lotto sports grants. And we believe next month he’s making his Holy Communion. Bless! JUNIOR Finance Minister Eoghan Murphy tweeted a picture of Ronald Reagan’s 1984 address to the Oireachtas on Dáil TV this week, saying: ‘Looked up from my desk to see the following speaker in the Dáil. Had to do a double take!’ What we want to know is why the TV was on in the first place. Back to work, Minister! MUCH amusement is attaching itself to Frances Fitzgerald’s attempt to generate an alliance of the sisterhood to drive her faltering leadership hopes. To date, alas, although her female colleagues have been friendly in turn, many have been pursuing the better offers emanating from Simon and Leo with the alacrity of a Jane Austen heroine who has just spotted an unmarried lord. Observing the spectacle one source chuckled: ‘Poor Frances! She is like the wall-flower in The Ballroom Of Romance: the alternatives are not great, but no-one is offering to bring her into the field.’ SPOTTED in the Dáil this week was Public Reform Minister Paschal Donohoe nibbling on his pen like a corn on the cob. Either Paschal, left, was hungry or nervous. We’re not usually ones for succumbing to panic, but Mr Donohoe has a very important – and well paid – job. And if he is nervous – or indeed hungry – perhaps we all should be worried.