SMOKES & DAGGERS

A mischievous mix of (mostly) news

DUP has received grudging admiration for the hard bargain it drove with the Tories. But one of Smokes’s Kerry-based sources claimed to be less than impressed by it all. ‘A billion for an entire province? The Healy Raes would get that for each county.’

FIANNA Fáil backbencher Declan Breathnach has no time for those who begrudge the DUP their windfall. Instead, he has expressed the hope that the Northern party ‘will use their newfound riches for some cross-border projects in the interests of an all-Ireland economy. Breathnach, it’s worth adding, represents the Louth constituency.

SMOKES is still recovering from a recent tete-a-tete between Leo and Brendan Howlin. The Taoiseach was saying: ‘I dislike the terms that are often used about the Border, such as “frictionless”.’ Howlin, left, chipped in: ‘Some people call it the Vaseline Border, it is so frictionless.’

A FIANNA Fáil TD says of Micheál Martin’s efforts to take on the new Taoiseach: ‘It’s like a dog trying to deal with a hedgehog. There is a lot of barking and digging around the sides but he doesn’t quite know what to do.’

THE Rubberbandits were enlisted to help launch the Liveable Limerick campaign, seeking submissions to the council on how to make Limerick better. More deepfrying, seems to be the Rubberbandits’ answer, as later in the week the band tweeted a greasesoaked food photo with the message: ‘There’s a gaff in Limerick doing deep-fried chicken curry and rice.’ You’ll find it at an establishment called Wok This Way.

MINISTER Simon Coveney launched a couple of hurling alleys at Blackrock Hurling Club yesterday. Far be it from us to give the yachtsman, left, sporting advice but he has the gait of a man more accustomed to addressing a golf ball than a sliotar.