Cut a dash at festivalswith the glamper van
Geriatric road rage is alive and kicking. I know because I witnessed it this week, between an elderly gentleman in a Volvo and another old chap on a mobility scooter. The chap in the Volvo was already plenty perplexed as he’d sent himself dizzy orbiting the village green for 10 minutes trying to find a parking space, to no avail. The fella on the scooter quietly crept into proceedings from stage right and came to a halt in the middle of the road to talk to an old gal he seemed to know.
Although Volvo Man could easily have continued to drive around Scooter Man, as he had done several times already, he became less and less willing to do so the longer his unsuccessful quest for a vacant berth went on. Eventually, a predictable impasse prevailed, horns were honked, colourful language was exchanged and sides were taken. Meanwhile, subsequent well-meaning interventions from random passers-by served only to inflame an already hilariously incendiary situation.
But why? I thought. These two gentlemen surely can’t be in much of a hurry to go anywhere, and besides, there’s nowhere around here to be in much of a hurry to go to. And then I got the look. Volvo Man was staring dead square in my direction. I was next. ‘Oh God, here we go…’
‘And what the bloody hell do you think you’re doing, taking up so much space in a stupid thing like that?’ he frothed. Well, I didn’t have the first clue what to say. For a start, the vehicle I was in wasn’t actually mine – it was the subject of this week’s review. Which is why blurting out ‘Just doing my job, sir’ momentarily crossed my mind. As well as: ‘I have as much right to be here as anyone else.’ Both of which would almost certainly have fallen on deaf ears, as here was a man who could now only hear the sound of his own blood boiling. We all need to remember to stay calm. The world is not as mad and bad as some people would have us believe. Sure, there are mad and bad things going on but there are billions more good souls than evil, all looking to be positive and enjoy life while they can. Look at the rise in popularity of festivals and live events. All everyone really wants to do is enjoy them-
HALF LIMO, HALF SLEEK NEW YORK HOTEL ROOM
selves. And with all us midults and kidults gagging to get all al fresco at the weekend come countless opportunities to make an extra buck. Glamping, for example, has exploded over the past decade. When festivals start offering pre-pitched tents, tipis or yurts, complete with private hot tubs, you know things are getting seriously lucrative.
Which, I presume, is the reason Mercedes has decided to throw its hat into the commercial ring of outdoor campfire fun. After the glittering renaissance of the camper van and all that goes with it, it’s time to welcome the glamper van or, to be more precise, the Marco Polo Sport Long. It’s not available here, so if you want one you’ll have to import it but what you’ll end up with is a remarkable piece of kit – half limo, half contemporary New York hotel room, it really is something quite special. Picture if you will the look on people’s faces and the comments they mutter should you dare to rock up to your designated campsite in a bus that looks like it’s just picked up an A-list celebrity from the airport.
It’s classy, it’s elegant, it’s full of leather and carbon fibre. Your own mini rock-star tour bus for your own mini rock’n’roll adventure. It’s Long by name and long by nature, a mass of black privacy glass flanking either side with yet more at the rear. It’s wide too, which begs the question: where would you store it and what would you do with it once the light nights start drawing in and the curtain comes down on the festival season until next year?
But hey, what am I talking about? That’s all to do with practicality and common sense. This is a super-luxury motor, surplus to everyday requirements but a right laugh regardless. That said, Mercedes has not cut any corners when it comes to what might be required by a family of four committed to spending several days in a field whatever the weather: there’s a double hob, a fridge, a sink surrounded by all the necessary storage units that look so much more modern than those found in most camper vans (although nowhere near as charming and gay). There are semi-electrically adjustable seats front and back. The front seats are also able to spin round to form a cosy ensemble for four guests facing each other around the superbly engineered fold-down table. Then there’s the de rigueur elevating roof and the mood lighting… it’s got it all.
And when it comes to driving, one could easily be forgiven for thinking there’s a whole heap more under the bonnet than merely a 2.1-litre four-cylinder diesel lump. I love the driving position high up in a van but I’ve never loved driving any van more than I did this. Not even my own beloved VW T5 named Buzz, with which we reluctantly parted company last year. This is a beast by comparison, with its 190HP, seven silky-smooth gears, auto or flappy paddle, even sport mode if you like – the choice is yours. While all the time staring out across yet another extremely grown-up (although a bit too grown-up for some, perhaps) super-stylish Mercedes signature dash. Handling? Well it’s a van, so quite van-like – surprise, surprise – the same going for the brakes. The ride, however, is relatively smooth and quiet for such a leisure craft. Often the cavernous shell behind the driver in such boxes on wheels acts as a huge amplifier for all things on board capable of clattering, clanging, pinging and smashing but not here. This is a different kettle of fish altogether.
Did I like it? No, I loved it. Yet I still wanted more. I wanted more colour, more charm, more friendliness, more festival… but that’s just me. Still, there’s no argument – this is a sparkling curveball that more than deserves its right to a pitch in the summer playpen.
Coming to a campsite near you soon, then. Achtung!