SMOKES & DAG­GERS

A mis­chievous mix of (mostly) news

The Irish Mail on Sunday - - COMMENT -

FINE Gael TDs and sen­a­tors have re­acted with un­ease to the ap­point­ment of Alan Holmes, a Dublin Bay South ap­pa­ratchik, as the party’s new di­rec­tor of pol­icy. Holmes, who is close to Eoghan Mur­phy, is the lat­est of a grow­ing ret­inue of ad­vis­ers that sur­rounds the Taoiseach. There was amaze­ment re­cently that he turned up at a par­lia­men­tary party meet­ing, a breach of pro­to­col. A party source grum­bles: ‘Leo’s choir­boys are re­ally in charge now.’ MATTIE McGRATH slipped up at the abor­tion com­mit­tee hear­ing. Mattie, pic­tured, said he had care­fully lis­tened to the pre­sen­ta­tion of Christina Zam­pas, then asked a ques­tion. The only prob­lem was that Ms Zam­pas, a hu­man rights ex­pert, had yet to speak. HEAD­LINE of the week goes to the Long­ford Leader: ‘Long­ford man “too full of chicken” to give state­ment.’ The story was about a man who pleaded guilty to steal­ing €30 of gro­ceries which in­cluded five chicken fil­lets, a chicken gou­jon, five BBQ chicken wings and a four-pack of Red Bull. WE HAD to laugh at Liam Gal­lagher’s re­port of his re­cent in­ter­ac­tion with Bea­tle Paul McCart­ney. McCart­ney asked him if he liked mar­gar­i­tas, to which the ex-Oa­sis front­man replied: ‘Yeah, but I had some­thing be­fore I came out, I don’t eat at this time of night.’ ‘They’re drinks, you stupid p **** ,’ came the re­ply. A GREAT stock­ing filler for any hurl­ing fans would be Jackie Tyrrell’s au­to­bi­og­ra­phy, The War­rior’s Code, writ­ten by Christy O’Con­nor. A char­ac­ter writ large in the Kilkenny man’s mem­oir is his team­mate, Tommy Walsh. Although Tommy, pic­tured, hurls with Tullaroan, he lives in Bal­ly­callan. Tyrell quotes Walsh’s ex­pla­na­tion of this anom­aly: ‘Me fa­ther told me that when they were build­ing the house at home, they built the main part of the house in Tullaroan but they built the toi­let in Bal­ly­callan. So we eat and sleep in Tullaroan. ‘But we go to the jacks in Bal­ly­callan.’

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