Barging in France? It’s got the Lot
WHEN the call came I didn’t hesitate to say yes. Going on a barge holiday with a group of like-minded people in the South of France for a TV show sounded right up my canal.
I imagined drifting lazily past families gathering croissants, parping the horn and calling out ‘Bonjour’. I could see admiring glances as I manoeuvred the craft through a lock, then a gentle smattering of applause as I executed a perfect swallow dive into the silky waters of the wide river.
None of those things happened. Reality slapped me right in the face as soon as I saw the gigantic boats we were expected to steer.
I was in charge of one vessel with Olympic javelin gold medallist Tessa Sanderson, while gardener Diarmuid Gavin, actor Tom Conti and singer Tony Christie were in another.
After being shown the ropes and given some tuition, we set off tentatively down the River Lot towards Cahors.
Although Joss the cameraman and Byron the soundman were travelling with us, the bad thing was that no one was allowed to help us because, obviously, in real life we’d be on our own.
‘As if you’d hire a flipping great thing like this for just two of you,’ beamed Tessa, offering a welcome cup of tea. She had a point: the only thing that seemed to be missing was a landing pad for a Chinook helicopter.
But over the coming days, we started to get the hang of things, although we all crashed at least once. However, we discovered that this is no barrier to the enjoyment of a river cruise.
Because the joyful thing about the River Lot and the Canal du Midi is that you aren’t simply travelling – you are being introduced to towns and villages from a different viewpoint.
The towering cliff of the beautiful medieval village of Saint-Cirq-Lapopie can only truly be experienced as you approach it from the water. After mooring up, we disembarked and wandered around the town.
During that excursion, I bought two bowls and some hand-carved salad servers, Tessa spotted Diarmuid eating his favourite snails, Tom ambled past a few shops in search of gifts and Tony tried to decide which wine he fancied. The production company set up our stops so that we could indulge in these activities. Hence our early visit to the little food market in Cahors, where Tom gave us a masterclass in how to act drunk. We were like rowdy children, shouting: ‘Again! Again!’ Diarmuid and I also excitedly volunteered for a trip in a hot-air balloon. We lifted off just as the sun started to set and I was overcome with emotion. I cried at the sheer beauty of the whole thing – the silence, the ancient land laid out beneath us, the Lot winding through wooded hills, and the occasional blast of heat as we were guided to our landing spot.
‘You might want to hang on,’ said Diarmuid, as we got closer to earth. I looked round just as we crashed through the top branches of a tree.
Despite this, we managed a near-perfect landing – a metaphor for some parts of this show. Celebrity 5 Go Barging is on at 8pm on Fridays on Channel 5.