SMOKES & DAGGERS
A mischievous mix of (mostly) news
A RECENT red card in a British National League South game caught our attention (bear with us, it’s worth it). A Hemel Hempstead player was booked and asked by the referee for his name. The player seemingly responded, ‘What!’ ‘Your name!’ the ref repeated. ‘What!’ came the response. ‘Your name!’ the ref insisted. ‘What!’ the player returned once more. At this point the infuriated ref gave a double yellow card for dissent and sent the player off. It took the club captain to intervene and explain that the player’s name was Watt. Sanchez Watt.
QUITE the squabble has developed over the portrait of all female Oireachtas members by Belfast artist Noel Murphy in celebration of International Women’s Day. There was discontent at the central prominence of Mary Lou, pictured. ‘You’d think she was the Taoiseach and we were her minions,’ was one response. That wasn’t all, with many of those pictured feeling that their likeness had not been adequately matched. It reminds Smokes of the episode of a Winston Churchill portrait, whose unveiling caused the PM to remark witheringly: ‘This is a fine example of modern art.’ It was subsequently taken down and burnt.
JUST when Labour thought life couldn’t get any worse, David Norris has joined the party… well, in the Seanad at least. Senator Ivana Bacik said: ‘I am really honoured that he is going to join us, in particular as he is a Trinity colleague. I think we are perfect soulmates.’ One Labour exTD said: ‘Norris and Ivana: the perfect duo to win over our lost working-class votes.’
IRISH Times reporter Conor Gallagher is covering the Paddy Jackson/Stuart Olding rape trial in Belfast. He related a rare light moment in the grim proceedings: ‘A woman in the public gallery loudly answering her phone and telling the caller she was in a meeting...a security guard then had a word with her.’
THE prize for tweet of the week goes to @_Enanem a man who identifies himself only as Neil from Hull. He was responding to the news that music magazine NME is to cease publishing a print edition: ‘Sad news about the NME. I used to keep mine in a pile near my bed, just in front of my US sitcom DVDs. I’d keep my Friends close and my NMEs closer.’
CHARITY was notable for its absence when the feuding duo of Catherine Noone, left, and the secret senator who she alleged had been bullying her finally made peace this week. One senior Fine Gael source said: ‘The pair of jackasses finally realised nobody was listening.’