Estate of the ART

This beauty that drives for you is...

Mercedes E 350 d 4Matic All-Terrain ★★★★★

AFTER an alarmingly difficult first-ever ‘Big Half’ marathon last Sunday, I declared a runfree week to give my poor old legs the chance to recover. Stupidly, I presumed the race would be called off due to the crazy weather we were experiencing and therefore undertook a spontaneous schedule of ‘replanning’ meetings in various excellent pubs. That was on Thursday and Friday. Big mistake. The snow began melting on Saturday morning and by lunchtime the race was confirmed. Twenty-four hours later, I was a dehydrated, lactic-acid-riddled fudge nugget, dragging my sorry ass across the finish line.

The London Marathon is now only seven weeks away. I have to stop EVERYTHING that’s bad for me until then.

‘You also need to read Endure,’ said my friend Vassos Alexander.

‘Endurance is the struggle to continue against a mounting desire to stop,’ writes author Alex Hutchinson, before going on to explain some killer tips to enhance one’s performance. Did you know, for example, that you are far more likely to run a personal best if you are chasing a lady in a banana costume rather than a bloke dressed as Darth Vader? The proof is out there. As it is when it comes to the cumulative negative effect seemingly small distractions can have on what should be an eminently achievable goal.

This is where semi-autonomous cars will end up scoring huge virtue points once we all become used to them. Like this new Mercedes E350, a car that drove me a lot more than I drove it. I was particularly taken by the way it confidently changed lanes all on its own, once given the green light via a click of the indicator.

It’s also an extremely elegant car. Which is important, because if it wasn’t quite so elegant this new mid-range Merc poster boy would look too much like the Volvo V90 Cross Country, which it doesn’t. Elegance is what Mercedes does best. Even with a trim pack that includes what would look like a tacky black plastic buoyancy aid on any other car, they get away with it. Maybe because they never stand still when it comes to design. Not a single panel has escaped the latest subtle makeover. The only stand-out change being the relatively mahoosive 20in alloy wheels, which afford the car extra attitude. The other mahoosive aspect is the cavernous boot accessed by the gigantic automatic tailgate.

There’s plenty of room just ahead of the cargo hold for three actual humans beings too. Or subtract one for extra comfort with the armrest down, cup-holders, extra storage and media sockets. The seats up front are sporty and luxurious but not too bulky and can be electronically tailored to your exact requirements from almost every conceivable aspect.

The dash and all that frames and flanks the E350’s cockpit transcends any other manufacturers’ understanding of how to meld meaty, 21st-century technology with a lightness of touch. On top of all that, it’s naturally ‘GT’ sexy, but if you really want to get hot and bothered, wait until God turns the lights off. Times all of the above by a thousand once night falls, when the interior becomes so beautiful it’s all one can do not to just keep driving until sunrise.

The info screen layout is effectively one giant widescreen encompassing everything from basic function icons on the extreme left, to the main dials and driver info behind the steering wheel.

Mercedes also refuses to fall for all that touchscreen nonsense, having settled on the heavenly combination of fantastically attractive and crystal-clear graphics controlled manually via a mission-control cluster of dials and buttons on the central console.

One first has to consciously stop staring and stroking everything in sight before firing up this big-boy diesel bruiser. The thing is, it’s so unbelievably quiet that having done so, I had to check the rev counter for vital signs of life.

Horsepower is relatively modest, but the insane torque of 620Nm catapults this car through the air. The only slight caveat being the fleeting moment of apprehension when the transmission takes a millisecond to think what to do next if gear changes are applied midthrottle. Out on the open motorway, however, this chariot of desire gobbles up the miles, effortlessly.

Handling is also a revelation with Mercedes’ new magic-carpet system – my words, not theirs. Not that I’m precious if they want to pinch it as an official title. Currently, they have plumped for the marginally less imaginative ‘air body control air suspension system’. OK, whatever. Anyway, the point is it works a treat, offering more refined damping than ever before, as well as the physical ability to raise and lower the vehicle depending on where you’re off to for the day.

This car feels luxe-max but comes in fully loaded at a price that could be described as luxe-light. If I was being picky, I would say the leather interior is a tad plain compared to the rest of the wow-factor cockpit. Especially the swanky two-part panoramic sunroof, the blinds to which both disappear into the middle of the roof simultaneously.

All in all, this new Merc is a much cooler muddy-road, weekend-country-road-trip alternative to the SUV crowd, with (almost) everything one would want to strut its stuff on the highways or byways near you.