READY TO GO AGAIN
‘I HAD TO WALK OUT OF THE CHANGING ROOM AND I JUST STARTED CRYING’
THE letters kept coming to the Drennan family home in Kilkenny. Day after day they would arrive, addressed to Mikey or Michael or Mike. Each one found the desired recipient, each and every one was opened. They were too important to ignore. There were from fathers writing about their sons. Brothers about brothers. Mothers. Sisters. Aunts. Uncles. And some just explaining their own experiences of depression and mental health.
They all had stories; tales of anguish, heartache, joy, hope and revival. People all over Ireland could resonate with Mikey Drennan’s story because people all over Ireland are dealing with the same one.
Two years ago, the 22-year-old made the decision to step away from professional football with Shamrock Rovers because he was finding it tough to cope with his mental health issues.
‘There are different aspects to it, I could have just sat there and picked up a good wage but that wasn’t the right thing to do,’ he says. ‘I had to deal with it. People can say it is brave that I explained what I was going through but, in my own head, that’s not what I was thinking. I was just thinking this is something I am going through and I have to sort it out, I have to make a change and deal with it so that’s what I did.
‘I didn’t expect the reaction at all. People writing to me... that’s what really took me back. It’s a strange feeling to describe, but it kind of makes you proud because these people were just like me, or had family going through something similar and felt they could share that with me. That makes me feel proud,’ Drennan continues.
‘People have been brilliant to me; my friends, my family, people in football and all around. From my own perspective I know that there are going to be bad days, moments when I feel down and what have you, but I feel like now I am in a place where I am the one in control, I can understand the signs and recognise when the dark place is coming so I am able to prepare myself to deal with it.’
This week, he announced his return to the League of Ireland with Sligo Rovers.
Now 24, the striker, who played hurling with James Stephens growing up but moved to Aston Villa in his mid-teens, has worked to get to a place where he is ready for a return to a professional football environment.
It was in England that feelings of isolation led to the onset of the issues which took him years to contend with.
‘Boredom was one of the things that brought it on,’ he feels. ‘Boredom and, going back to being mature as a person, not being able to understand how to deal with being in that type of situation. I was going home after training and getting into bed because I didn’t know how else to deal with it.
‘There is only so much television you can watch, stuff you can buy, before there is nothing else. I would beat myself up about things in training, if I didn’t score enough, if a certain shot didn’t hit the target, a bad pass. I would let every bad, negative thing into my head. You have to change your mindset.’
When he signed for Rovers in 2015 Drennan hoped that would make a difference but, 12 months later, after a 4-0 win over Bohemians, he reached a point where he could no longer ignore what he was going through.
‘After the game, I tried to celebrate with the rest of players but I just couldn’t. I had to walk out of the changing room and I just started crying. That’s when I knew,’ he explained at the time.
There has been professional help since, of course, but the simple pleaure, too, of being able to return home to enjoy the company of friends, watch football in Christies Bar with a few pints of Coors Light and get a hurl in hand for James Stephens as well as playing junior soccer for Evergreen has helped. Evergreen reached the FAI Junior Cup final last year, playing Sheriff YC in Aviva Stadium, and while that showpiece ended in disappointment the bigger picture was a happy one. A job with local company TransferMate — an international money transfer service — provided a steady income but Drennan has come to an agreement with the firm to depart, and he has taken a pay cut to revive his career at Sligo. ‘I’d had it in my own head for a good few weeks that I was ready to come back. I got back in touch with my agent (former Arsenal man Graham Barrett) and asked if he could help me out. He has always been at the other end of a phone, he hasn’t been overbearing or anything like that trying to get me back to a club for the sake of it. ‘When I went to him to say I was ready, he talked it through with me. He wanted to make sure that he knew I was ready because the last thing either of us wanted was to make a decision to come back and after two weeks realise it was a mistake. ‘It was between two clubs really and once I met the manager at Sligo and had a look around it felt like the right move for me. I was just happy that there were people that still wanted me. ‘I was two years out of the game so you could be easily forgotten, people move on, but thankfully that wasn’t the case.’
Sligo arranged a match for Drennan before he signed his contract and it wasn’t just the two goals he scored that night which served as reassurance he was making the correct decision.
‘I was very nervous,’ he admits. ‘Walking back into a dressing room for the first time I did wonder if all those old feelings would come back through me like before, but they didn’t. I felt comfortable. If I didn’t I wouldn’t have come back because I wasn’t going to do this unless it was right.
‘I feel like a more mature person, I know it is what I want to do now, that this is what can make me happy.
‘I’ve always loved hurling, when I was younger and when I was playing I was always one of the better players but this time around it was different.
‘It wasn’t quite the same, I didn’t get the same feeling from it. I still love the game but I knew football was what I needed to get back to. That’s what I’m best at, that’s what I have a real drive for again
‘I couldn’t commit to this even if I was only 90 per cent sure about it. That would be doing nobody any good. I know this was the right time for me and I feel excited about it, I’m ready to go.’
Drennan will have to wait until after the League of Ireland’s midseason break to get started and he is eager now to make up for lost time.
‘I want to come back and be successful, to get into Europe and win medals.’
He added: ‘I’m not just coming back for a kick about, to pick up a few bob and just have a laugh and to play in a mid-table team with no ambition.
‘That’s why Sligo appealed to me, what the club wants to achieve is exciting and I want to be a part of that. I feel like I have a new energy because I know this is what I want.’