If my wife Audrey died I would have no legal rights over our baby daughter
Despite the fanfare over same-sex marriages, the State is ignoring the status of gay parents and their children, say families
SAME-SEX couples with children feel they are being ‘ignored’ by the State since the historic marriage equality referendum.
With a protest outside the Dáil on the horizon for next week, same-sex married couples with children have highlighted the uphill battle they face to legitimise their families and obtain parental rights equal to heterosexual couples.
One of the most upsetting issues for same sex couples is that birth certificates do not currently give parents the option of listing the names of both mothers, or fathers.
In the case of lesbian same-sex couples, only the woman who carries the child as a result of a sperm donation is officially recognised as the – but not her married wife. And in order for a child to be given an Irish passport, the birth mother has to sign a declaration of sole guardianship and renege any rights of anyone else having guardianship of her child, as birth certificates do not currently give parents the option of listing the names of both mothers – nor both fathers who adopt a child In Westmeath, Trisha Gormley and her wife Audrey have been struggling with the lack of legislation since the birth of their daughter, who will be one year old at the end of this month.
Trisha met Audrey, who is originally from Mexico, in 2004 and the pair moved to Spain where, in that same year, marriage equality came into law. In 2008, they tied the knot in Spain. Then happily married, Trisha and Audrey decided to move back to Ireland as they were heartened to know that marriage equality was finally on its way here in 2015.
Around this time, the Children and Family Relationships Bill was signed by President Michael D Higgins to regulate families who chose donorassisted pregnancies.
However, to this day, crucial parts of this legislation have not commenced which has resulted in the non-biological partner of the birth mother having no parental rights.
‘There was such euphoria following the referendum and we took it for granted,’ Trisha told the Irish Mail on Sunday. ‘We thought the Government would put all these laws through and that it would be a priority for them, because people had come out to vote.
‘It was clear that people wanted these laws to be commenced. I can’t understand how, three years on, there’s been such a delay.’
At the time of their daughter’s birth in 2017, Trisha and Audrey didn’t realise what lay ahead for them.
‘I had my suspicions at the hospital because the paperwork just had “Mother” and “Father” on it. I thought that was disheartening, but I just thought they needed to update the paperwork. It wasn’t until six weeks after we tried to register our child’s birth certificate that we were told I wouldn’t be included as a co-parent.
‘When I contacted Simon Harris’s office and asked why the law hadn’t been put through yet, we kept hearing words like “shortly” and “imminently” but nothing was happening.’
In the eyes of the State, Trisha is not recognised as a parent of her child. If Audrey died, she would legally have no parental rights over their daughter and their child could go into the care of Audrey’s next of kin.
‘Under the law, it would be my wife’s family who would be recognised as next of kin for our daughter.
‘I was told in two years’ time I could go before a judge and ask if I could be put down as the guardian of my daughter and show that I’ve been looking after my own daughter for two years, which is crazy. It’s a ridiculous situation.
‘It’s frightening to think there are so many gay families out there who have to wait two years to be given guardianship of their own children.’
One of the most difficult things the parents faced was applying for their daughter’s passport.
‘Because the laws recognising me as a parent have not commenced, they can’t put my name on her birth certifiparent
‘I can’t understand how there’s been such a delay’
cate and as my wife is not Irish, our daughter can’t claim her citizenship through me.
‘We were told our daughter isn’t an Irish citizen and she’ll have to wait three years of residency and then two years to apply for citizenship, so she’ll be five years old before she’ll be able have an Irish passport. The other crazy thing, even if the birthmother is Irish but categorised as “married” on the child’s birth cert they can’t issue the passport because whom the mother is married to is not on the child’s birth certificate.
‘So, in order for a child to be given an Irish passport, the birth mother must sign a declaration of sole guardianship which means you renege any rights of anyone else to have guardianship of your child.
‘Out of all the upsetting things that have happened to us, that was the most. To actually be told by the Department, “Dear parents – sign this form saying you’re a single parent” was just bizarre and very distressing. Even if we did sign it, the chances of our daughter getting her passport still wouldn’t be high due to the issues with her citizenship.’
Other couples who have citizenship for their children face similar struggles. Ranae Von Meding and Audrey Rooney have a baby girl, two-year-old Ava, and another baby on the way. They say after three years they never thought they would still be fighting for equality for their family.
Speaking to the MoS, Ranae said: ‘We always knew we wanted kids, but we decided we were ready to go through IVF in early 2015. We attended a clinic in Dublin first, but we quickly found out we wouldn’t be allowed to do reciprocal IVF in Ireland. [This is where you use one partner’s eggs, donor sperm and the other partner carries the baby.]
‘So we decided to go to Spain and were successful by November 2015 when I got pregnant on our second round of IVF.’
Ranae said they had no idea the legislation giving equality to her family hadn’t commenced and that her wife wouldn’t have equal parenting rights over their child.
‘From the moment Ava was born, it was made very clear to us that Audrey was not seen as Ava’s parent. When we registered her birth, Audrey was not allowed to be registered and they would not even speak to her directly, only to me.
‘Same story when we got her passport. I was forced to sign an affidavit declaring that I was the sole guardian and didn’t know who the father was. Any form or permission that has been needed for Ava since day one can only be legally signed by me. I am technically a single mother in the eyes of the law... even though I am married and even though Ava clearly has two parents.’
Given that Ranae was forced to sign an affidavit stating she is a lone parent, it’s unclear if Audrey’s parental rights will be immediately reinstated when the law is commenced.
Ranae said: ‘There is no one who has been able to give us definitive answers to any questions like this. So we are quite in the dark until it’s actually put into practice and we can see where we stand.
‘We feel so let down by our Government’s lack of care for our family. Everyone looks at Ireland as an amazing place which has done so much for the LGBTQ community in recent years. But in reality, until our families are equal, how can this be the case?’
When asked about the delay in commencement of the 2015 bill and the lack of communication with concerned same-sex couples, a Department of Health spokesman said: ‘A number of technical drafting issues have come to light in relation to Parts 2 & 3 of the Children and Family Relationships Act 2015.
‘Consideration of a resolution to these issues and the likely need for primary legislation are close to conclusion and the Department expects to be in a position to progress the matter shortly.’
‘I am a single mother in the eyes of the law’