SMOKES & DAGGERS

A mischievous mix of (mostly) news

If you were online this week you’ll know all about Coleen Rooney versus Rebekah Vardy. But Coleen wasn’t the only super sleuth on show this week. The Websummit’s Paddy Cosgrave also tweeted about some ne’er-do-wells. ‘To the young boys & girls who “borrowed” 3 laptops from @websummit HQ last night: We’ve all your faces on lovely 4K cameras, + audio. Drop laptops back. Otherwise I’m calling over to your parents houses. Yes there’s tracking on the laptops you morons.’ At least we can rule out Rebekah Vardy on this one.

George Hamilton’s commentary on yesterday’s Ireland soccer match against Georgia was pretty much the only highlight of a dire game. In the second half he summed up the game brilliantly: ‘The substitution will take place the next time the ball goes dead and by the way this game is going you’d imagine the ball is beginning to lose the will to live.’

Arts Minister Josepha Madigan is not only in the soup when it comes to hares. Responding to queries by Seán Haughey about the seagull threat, Josie noted she had agreed to the formation of a Consultative Committee on the issue. Besieged from the ground and the air, it seems.

Smokes hears about the succession of the council seat won by the late John Bailey shortly before his death: ‘The council seat is to revert to a deserving former councillor who is definitely in no way related to the Baileys,’ a satisfied local observer told us.

FF TD Kevin O’Keeffe has moved a Bill to legalise alcohol sale in tents for ‘events like the local GAA club or a barn dance’. Presumably, there’ll be in-tents talks, but let no-one mention Galway!