‘Woke’ folk need to wake up and enjoy Halloween

HALLOWEEN was always one of my favourite times of the year. It’s the one night where you can dress outrageously sexily and vamp up your inner witch.

My best pal, Darina, and I used to go all-out in the search for outfits that would set any October 31 bonfire ablaze. Our Halloween shopping would usually start in early September; we would order three or four costumes, one for the night itself, one for the second Halloween party, and a couple of contingency costumes.

One year was particularly memorable. Darina was an avid collector of movie memorabilia and had an American replica patrol car from the movie Super Troopers. I dressed as a red devil in a red PVC catsuit complete with over-the-knee PVC boots. Darina was the sort of Goldilocks you might see in an X-rated film and our friends Batman and Joker joined us and drove in the battery operated car to our then regular haunt, Tamangos. But we hadn’t reckoned on falling foul of no-fun Irish traffic cops, who didn’t see the funny side and issued Batman penalty points for driving without a tax disc.

Another year Darina went as a mermaid... she was the fish who flaunted it. But when we arrived she couldn’t manage the stairs such were the constraints of her tail.

But alas, today, the PC brigade has driven a sanctimonious stake through the heart of Halloween.

My favourite costume was a teeny-tiny flirty Eskimo dress. It was chocolate brown with white faux fur trim, knee-length furry boots, gloves and even a pretend Choc-Ice. Such was my exuberance at emulating Eskimo authenticity I rubbed every nose in sight – and had great fun in the process.

If I dared step out in that dress these days I would most likely be harpooned for cultural appropriation of the Inuit tribe.

But how is a little girl dressing as Mona the Disney Princess offensive? How can Disney’s Elsa be frozen out for promoting ‘white beauty?’ Cowboys and Indians are apparently culturally offensive. And don’t even think about going Rasta, that’s endorsing drug use. Some US schools have banned scary for being too scary. The point of Halloween is eluding some ‘woke’ folk.

I say to all the precious pumpkins, sensitive souls and goody-goody ghouls, to hell with their hocuspocus piety.