Wistful voyage that left a wobble on all our lips
All Hands On Deck
RTÉ One, Sunday
Great Canal Journeys
Channel 4, Sunday
The British Tribe Next Door
Channel 4, Tuesday
The Accident
Channel 4, Thursday
FRANCIS Brennan can do lots of things. He can arrive at your B&B and turn it into the Ritz, he can lead tour groups through the wilds of Africa and the bustling cities of Asia, and very likely can fit a cover on a duvet with one hand while basting a turkey with the other. What we learned last Sunday night, though, is that he cannot dance. In the first of a new series, All Hands On Deck, he took to the ocean wave on the Regal Princess, a cruise ship on a Baltic itinerary, and his first job was to see what life is like as an entertainment manager onboard. One of his duties was to lead a, let’s be kind, rather mature crowd in a line dance but he looked more like a man at a busy pedestrian crossing unaware of whether to stand still or make a run for it.
That’s what makes the shows in which he stars so entertaining. Francis is not shy about looking a little foolish; indeed, he often hams it up to the extent that the Brady family eye him with envy. In his crisp nautical whites with three and a half stripes on the epaulettes to alert fellow crew to his highranking officer status, he took to his new role with gusto, not least when playing quizmaster in a televised onboard version of the Yes/No game.
On a tour of St Petersburg, an Australian woman recited a vaguely risqué limerick that involved the phrase tit for tat (I’m sure you can work out the most relevant word for yourselves) and Francis adopted the wide-eyed, shocked look of a maiden aunt who found a fly in the Harvey’s Bristol Cream.
He’s not to everyone’s taste, I know, but Francis cracks me up, and for once, far from appearing completely assured, there’s more of the fish-out-of-water look to him.
Much more at home on the water were Timothy West and his wife Prunella Scales (Sybil Fawlty to those old enough to remember), who are bringing the lovely, literally slow-moving series of Great
Canal Journeys to an end. Prunella is slipping deeper into dementia, her short-term memory ever more challenged even though she has a clear recollection of her younger years.
This programme never really has been about the journeys at all, but about the obvious love between the two, and the gentle care Tim provides for his wife. It also is a wistful insight into the life of the carer. As Tim said: ‘I do feel quite lonely sometimes and it’s having an effect on my own mind, certainly. I haven’t got someone to share things with and that means my own brain is slowing up.’
As he finished the sentence, his lower lip wobbled and he gave a wry smile to hold back the tears. Hundreds of thousands surely joined him. The couple’s travels, in the UK, Ireland, France, even the Far East, have been a delight these past five years, and this proved to be something they both would recognise from a lifetime on their canal barge, a beautiful and moving swansong.
Less easy to like was The British
Tribe Next Door, which truly was bizarre. Scarlett Moffatt, the breakout star of Gogglebox across the water who went on to win I’m A
Celebrity, is joined by her mam, dad and sister in Namibia to live with the Himba, a nomadic people who depend on cattle for their livelihood.
Now you might remember the RTÉ programme Hardest Harvest, in which Cork dairy farmer Paula Hynes did something similar, spending time with the Maasai in Kenya. But where Paula lived in Maasai accommodation, the gimmick for the Moffatts was that their Co. Durham home was replicated lock, stock and barrel in the bush, complete with satellite television, running water, and 20,000 of their personal possessions, including a collection of shoes that made Imelda Marcos look like a rookie.
By the end of the first episode, I was left with the vague feeling that the Himba knew a lot more than they were letting on and conspiratorially derived great entertainment from watching the Moffatts swallow it all without salt.
One way or the other, it was a stark reminder of our conspicuous consumption. I saw a lot of people call this poverty porn but it truly was hard to make out if the poor were the Himba – or the Moffatts.
Finally, Jack Thorne, who cowrote The Virtues, the year’s best drama to date, returned with The
Accident, starring the ever-reliable Sarah Lancashire as a Welsh mum whose daughter is the sole survivor of an explosion in a newly renovated factory that kills eight of her friends and a rescue worker.
The first episode was a slow burner but it laid down lots of markers about what is to come, including corporate and indeed parental responsibility (since the children actually caused it while breaking and entering, it wasn’t really an accident at all).
Like all Thorne dramas, it featured everyday people already teetering on the edge, epitomised in a shocking scene of domestic violence. It is not an easy watch, but sure to be a compelling one.