Learn from Gloria Gaynor, you will survive switching

‘The deal was sweetened further by Jilted John’

‘Go on now go. Walk out the door. Don’t turn around now, you’re not welcome any more.’

Gloria Gaynor – I Will Survive

Customers in the TV and broadband market need to channel Gloria Gaynor’s spirit of affirmative action.

Complaining about the bad deal they invariably get as loyal customers after one year’s honeymoon period is over is simply not enough.

You need to back it up by at least threatening to throw that pricey provider out that door just like Gloria did with her no-good lover.

But when you do, you might find a striking change in their attitude... and you just might consider letting them back in again.

Check out the table. Our relationship with TV/broadband companies goes sour after one year – they become way too financially demanding.

You can expect to pay up to an extra €330 per year if you don’t keep your wits about you.

But these providers, although they recently hiked prices, are at least becoming better at one aspect of relationships – listening.

I wrote recently about how hard it was to break up with Virgin over a TV/broadband/phone (or ‘triple play’ as they say in the business) account I manage for my parents.

Virgin came back with two counter-offers and finally came up with a deal close to what they were paying before. My folks didn’t want the hassle of setting up a new platform so we accepted it.

This week, I went to break up with Sky on my own account after my contract expired.

Sky currently offers the cheapest triple-play deal for TV/phone and broadband for €59 a month with Netflix included (in year one).

But I knew that was annoyingly for newbies – not loyal customers – which was why I intended to look elsewhere.

When I told this to the Sky guy processing my request, he sounded a little hurt (do they get acting lessons?) and a bit like Jilted John in the old song of that name.

‘But, why do you want to leave us?’ he said in a how-could-you-do-thisto-me kind of tone.

‘Eh... because I’ll get a far better deal by going somewhere else. Your best offers are for new customers.’

‘That’s not necessarily true,’ he replied, in a low hurt voice.

Really, Sky? Really? He said he would get back to me.

While I waited for Sky I looked at what rivals had to offer to tempt new customers and annoy old ones who aren’t eligible.

Vodafone has a tasty triple play deal at the moment starting you off at €25 a month.

That’s not as cheap as it sounds – it jumps to €70 monthly after six months. But at a total of €570 in year one that still works out as the cheapest around.

Sky newbies get the next cheapest triple play package at €708 a year but not loyal customers (grrrr).

Virgin offers the fastest broadband service for a bit more (€64 a month), while Eir has got into the game by linking up with Apple. It offers a snazzy new set-top box plus Apple TV for a smidgeon more (see panel to see what that’s all about).

I was leaning towards Virgin for its fast broadband award (from Switcher.ie).

But then ‘Jilted John’ from Sky got back to me.

They were prepared to offer me a special deal at €60 a month – cheaper than Virgin or Eir.

Hmm. I feel absolutely no loyalty to Sky but, in fairness, they had come back with a decent offer. Vodafone was cheaper but it is an unknown

quantity (sorry Vodafone, I will try you out some day).

I am used to and like Sky’s platform and content. Sky Atlantic taps into some great drama like (I am hoping) Helen Mirren as

Catherine The Great (the part the actress of Russian descent seems born to play).

While I do not owe Sky a shred of loyalty, there is a tiny bit of rational inertia about not wanting to move that’s probably worth a couple of euro a month.

I don’t want the hassle, risk or possible extra cost (in some cases) of changing platforms.

After discussing options with my old pal Eoin Clarke from Switcher.ie (see panel) and after the deal was sweetened further by Jilted John writing off a disputed amount on the old bill, I decided to take Sky back.

Now I can look forward to watching Helen The Great fulfil her acting destiny!