SMOKES & DAGGERS

A mischievous mix of (mostly) news

SMOKES was amused to see in Joe Schmidt’s autobiography, Ordinary Joe, inspirational quotes under the chapter titles. The pearl of wisdom under the chapter title ‘Identity’ read: ‘Who we are is how we play.’ And the source of this inspiration? Not Shaw, Yeats or Beckett but, ahem, Vodafone Ireland, sponsor of the Irish rugby team.

CEANN Comhairle Seán Ó Fearghaíl has a thankless job keeping order in the Dáil. During a rowdy session on the National Broadband Plan he lashed out at errant TDs: ‘We had children in the Chamber… and their behaviour was better and certainly more orderly than that of Deputies today.’ Those children were there for the assembly on Climate Change. No hope of a change in the climate of the Dáil! BBC Radio 2 presenter Jeremy Vine apologised unnecessarily this week online: ‘I apologise for the phrase I used earlier on the radio. While interviewing Scotland’s oldest bagpiper, Billy McVie, 93, I told him: ‘I have got plenty of puff if you run out.’ I now understand that means ‘I’ve got a shedload of ganja if you’ve smoked all yours.’ We know this column is called Smokes, but we wouldn’t have misunderstood what he meant. AS the opening day for Stepaside Garda Station nears, Smokes hears there are concerns in Minister Shane Ross’s camp that he may be gazumped by Arts Minister Josepha Madigan, left. Happily, on the critical issue of whose ministerial Merc will glide across the fresh tarmac, Smokes is sure Ross’s dear Cabinet colleague Charlie Flanagan will keep our hero fully appraised.