How to survive when your freedom has been taken
The weird thing is I’ve had Kenny Rogers stuck in my head for weeks, before any announcement of his death, aged 81. These lyrics from Just Dropped In kept turning over in my head: ‘I pushed my soul in a deep dark hole and then I followed it in, I watched myself crawling out as I was acrawling in I got up so tight I couldn’t unwind I saw so much I broke my mind I just dropped in to see what condition my
condition was in’. Now there’s a tune. Oh Kenny! We’ll miss you. You had it in spades.
So how is your condition doing during this global Covid-19 crisis? It’s certainly beginning to feel like ‘a deep dark hole’. I need a self-signed letter to leave the house to show the French police that where I’m going is ‘strictly necessary’ or face a €135 fine. That goes up to €3,500 and a six month term in prison if there are ‘four violations within 30 days’. Lucky I wasn’t stopped this evening, escaping my place in the sticks to drive to Nic’s town house, the father of my boys who lives in the village. He’s not here. I just want some quiet to concentrate, to think, to assess.
In fact, Nic has moved into my house, or the converted garage in the garden, for the foreseeable. It avoids our usual to-ing and fro-ing. ‘It’s for the kids,’ he tells me.
Really it’s because my gaff offers the most freedom and freedom feels like the greatest privilege right now. We’re still practising social distancing from each other (what’s new?) although I do notice he continues to believe it’s my job to be the ever vigilant Chief Scrubber. Deep breaths. This too will pass.
The kids have taken to our new police state with delight, dressing up as gendarmes every day and stopping anyone who passes our gate to see if they have their ‘papiers’. Nic has got them watching Le Gendarme de Saint Tropez, a 1964 French classic starring acting legend Louis de Funes which isn’t exactly suitable for three, six or eight year olds but ‘we are where we are’ and at least it keeps them quiet for a bit.
I have to say to the lads: ‘This is a really old movie and these days you absolutely cannot wolf whistle at a girl. You could be fined €750.’ ‘What’s wolf whistling?’ they ask. They’re too busy concentrating on the gendarme outfits to copy later. Strange days indeed.
It’s hard to know what to believe. Is the virus caused by 5G? It doesn’t seem like the craziest of conspiracy theories. Or did the virus come from a lab? Not too batty a theory either, if you ask me. Are aliens trying to stop us from destroying the planet? Or is the Elite attempting to cull over-population? Are we entering a Golden Age of debt-free enlightenment? Is the internet about to be switched off?
Quite frankly, anything could happen next at this rate. At least there’s Kenny Rogers to condition our condition and remind us why music and the arts provide such a soothing balm in times of crisis.
We’ll always have Kenny Rogers to check what condition we’re in