How to reassure children who feel TRAPPED VIRUS in the CRISIS
Now is not the time for big projects, learning music or a new language says a leading psychologist. If they’re eating, sleeping and keeping clean, it’s f ine
IT’S one of the mysteries of coronavirus that compared to the adult population which it attacks with gusto, the virus doesn’t appear to infect children. Figures released from the Chinese Centre for Disease Control and Prevention, show that of the 45,0000 cases it examined before February 2020 less than 1% were under nine years old, while those aged between 10 and 19 years accounted for just over 1%.
But a lack of physiological symptoms doesn’t translate into a psychological clean bill of health and most mental health experts agree that while the pandemic leaves children relatively unscathed illness-wise, preventative measures of quarantine and self-isolation can be bewildering for youngsters, forcing them out of their comfort zones and changing the familiar routines that form the scaffolding of their young lives.
Childhood may be short but it involves many stages of development and the impact of Covid-19 is manifested differently. The most important thing to remember is that this is a traumatic event that we are all going through right now,’ explains clinical psychologist Dr Caragh Hesse Tyson who is part of a child and adolescent mental health team dealing with the pandemic.
A child’s reactions will vary depending on their age, their personality and their family circumstances.
‘Some children will be a lot more worried than usual and will be looking for reassurance. Others may love being at home. The important thing though is that they are made to feel safe.
How much information they are given about what is going on will vary but apart from tiny infants perhaps, all children will be tuned into things being different and to their parents being worried and stressed. They will pick up on it if their parents are anxious about job security or fed up working at home,’ she says.
Accordingly, the best thing parents can do to safeguard their children’s equanimity is to try to manage their stress levels in front of their children and although it’s easier said than done, to aim to present an outward appearance of calm when dealing with their offspring.
‘It’s like when there’s turbulence on a flight,’ explains Dr Hesse Tyson. ‘Most of us will look at the air hostess to see her reaction. If she is still smiling we feel that there can’t be too much to worry about.’ She also recommends that families desist from setting any ambitious goals during this time. ‘If everyone is happy enough, is eating and sleeping and keeping themselves clean, that’s enough to be getting along with, she explains.
‘If children or families want to do crafts or play music, then great, if it comes from a place of creativity and desire. But it’s not a good idea to impose projects like playing music every day or learning a new language on children.
But what other strategies can parents adopt to help children of all age ranges navigate what has the potential to be the most traumatic period of their lives?
PRESCHOOLERS
THIS age group might not have the language to express their fears or worries so Dr Hesse Tyson recommends encouraging them to draw pictures of what they feel. Behaviours give parents vital clues as to what little children might be feeling, so parents should pay particular attention to any changes in that area. ‘Sudden bedwetting, clingy behaviour, tantrums; when children don’t have language, it’s through their behaviour that they communicate that they don’t feel okay or that they are suffering from stress and confusion,’ says Dr Hesse Tyson.
The chief role of parents is to reassure their children that all will be well, that there are plenty of adults working hard to keep everyone safe and bring the world back to normal.
‘Even young children can understand the concept of illness and hospital so they can be told that while some people are going to the doctor, they will be staying at home. It’s all about communicating the facts of the pandemic in an age-appropriate way and helping the child feel safe,’ says Dr Hesse Tyson.
It’s important that this age group keep to the familiar pattern of regular bedtime, mealtimes and play as that enhances their sense of security and well being.
SCHOOL-AGE CHILDREN
ONE of the possible upsides of lockdown is that for children in the younger schoolgoing age group, it could spell one of the happiest times of their lives. Young children love nothing more than being with their parents, it’s where they feel safest and spending time with their parents is the most natural thing in the world to them.
The restrictions imposed by Covid-19 have helped turn something that is impossible for most families into a reality, with many children experiencing uninterrupted family time for the first time in their lives. ‘There are reports that a lot of children are doing really well being at home,’ says Dr Hesse Tyson.
Of course, not every child grows up in a peaceful and loving unit but for those lucky enough to do so, the challenge of coronavirus may only present itself at the very end when they have to return to society, to the classroom, to friendship groups, sports clubs and other activities that may cause them anxiety in normal life.
This may be the juncture when they will need most parental support and encouragement. According to Dr Hesse Tyson, some children may regress developmentally slightly during quarantine.
Issues, such as separation anxiety that had been conquered, may develop again or a child might struggle to settle back into the school regime.
The ISPCC has a helpful online guide to pastimes, arts, crafts and games suited to home life.
PRE-TEENS
DEPRIVED of their pastimes, sports and activities, this age group may not find close proximity to their parents as comforting as their younger siblings.
For all their budding independence, they still rely greatly on their parents for comfort and security and they might be mature enough to worry about the future, the health and economic wellbeing of their family.
‘Parents should encourage their children to express what’s bothering them and to validate their fears and emotions,’ says Dr Hesse Tyson.
‘It’s a mistake for a parent to chide their children about being worriers. It’s much more beneficial for the child if their parents help them accept their feelings by telling them that they understand why they are upset, that their feelings of vulnerability are normal and reassure them that the experts are on the case, rather than tell them off or dismiss their anxiety.’
Also, it’s fine if parents can’t answer all the questions posed by children. Adults can admit that things are outside their control but they should then guide the child to what is actually within their control when dealing with the outbreak. They can say things like, ‘Look, we are going to wash our hands a lot from now on and stay indoors to stop the disease