SOAP WATCH
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There are very few beverage choices in soapland in times of stress. What did Corrie’s Leanne say to Simon, after Nick accused him of upsetting Sam? ‘Si, I’ve made a brew.’ That’s pretty much all she does now, but have you ever seen her fill a kettle?
Emmerdale has taken to brewmaking with the same passion as Corrie, with Moira following keenly in Leanne’s footsteps. ‘Brew?’ she asked Cain on Tuesday. Come on, if you had Cain alone in a room, the last thing on your mind would be Yorkshire Tea. Contrast this with Faith, who carries a hip flask in her handbag to top up her hot drinks in the café; and also Laurel, whose favourite drink of stress is vodka.
Like Laurel, Corrie’s Peter hits the hard stuff when he’s going through the mill, but in EastEnders it’s always wine – by the gallon. How much faster can Sharon down a glass? There’s a vineyard in Bordeaux worried they can’t tread the grapes fast enough to keep up with her guzzling. How about a crossover show in which Sharon and Corrie’s Carla go on a wine-tasting tour? Grapes everywhere would be quaking in their skins.
EMMERDALE ■ WOLF IN SHEEP’S CLOTHING
Jamie’s always seemed like someone who wouldn’t say boo to a goose – even a dead one, with all the trimmings. He’s turned into a monster though, not least in pretending to like Gabby in order to dissuade her from keeping the baby. It’s too much for the emotional youngster (pictured), who has real feelings for him. Quite how he manages to get so many women fighting over his dullness is anybody’s guess; there’s more life in a taxidermist’s reindeer mount.
Talking of dead things, what does the foreman discover at the exhumation? Please not Harriet half-dressed in the vestry – again.
EASTENDERS BATTLE OF THE BRUNETTES
Do you ever wonder if Martin wakes up and says, ‘What I wouldn’t give to go down the pub with my mates, have a game of darts and get drunk’? But no. The poor guy never gets a chance to dwell on anything other than his vast brood and the war between Ruby and Stacey (well, that and the price of carrots).
Now, the warring duo are at it again, after Ruby asks Martin to do anything to help them get over the loss of the baby. He agrees and reports Stacey (not for crimes against fashion; for allegedly pushing Ruby). She is convinced that CCTV footage will prove her innocence but Ruby (pictured, centre, with Stacey and Martin) is smug in the knowledge that the cameras were down – not knowing that Martin had them fixed. Good grief! When did he get the time to call a security firm? The man has to schedule breathing time into his packed life.
Is anyone managing to follow the Lucas/Chelsea/Denise/Jack debacle? I’ve lost track of who is on whose side; it’s like playing Cluedo – without the clues. Now, Chelsea’s up to her old tricks, and Lucas doesn’t realise he’s been played yet again. For a serial killer, he can be pretty darned thick.
Smother 9.30PM, RTé ONE ★★★★
Dervla Kirwan stars in this promising new thriller set on the coast of Co Clare. She plays Val Ahern, whose husband is found dead at the foot of a cliff the morning after a family party. As she tries to find out what happened and identify who could be responsible for his brutal death, Val begins to look at his relationships with his nearest and dearest. In the process, she has to confront the effect his manipulative behaviour had on others. Kirwan is joined by a strong cast featuring Niamh Walsh, Seána Kerslake, and Gemma Leah Devereux (right) .
Creedon’s Atlas Of Ireland 6.30PM, RTé ONE ★★★
The presenter is uncovering the stories behind iconic place names – and where better to start than with Ireland itself? He also meets actor Ardal O’Hanlon to learn about the meaning of Ballinspittle.
Attenborough’s Life In Colour 7PM, BBC1 ★★★★
David Attenborough shows that colour is not always about being the centre of attention. Camouflage and contrast are also important – from the crab spider’s ability to reflect ultraviolet light, to the zebra’s deceptively startling stripes.
Funny Festival Live 10.15PM, BBC2 ★★★★
There’s plenty to tickle the funny bones on the BBC this week. This new stand-up series, showing nightly until Thursday, was recorded before a virtual audience, and features established names and new and up-and-coming acts alike.