Niamh Walsh’s Manifesto
It’s the little touches that make for a big occasion
I POPPED around to my mum’s the other day just as she had begun the de-decorating process (getting a start on it before Nollaig na mBan!). As she toiled away taking down all the bows and baubles, I talked. ‘A resounding success,’ I declared, as she was halfway up a ladder.
For a variety of reasons, this Christmas was our first big family gathering in as long as I can recall. Grandparents, siblings, aunties, uncles, nieces, nephew and grandkids had all come to my mother’s, at my behest.
But with all big dining occasions come the attendant dietary logistical challenges. There were meat eaters, vegetarians, vegans, and my uncle’s refusal to believe it’s even December 25 unless he’s had a Black Forest gateau.
And of course, being the Walsh family, the three little doggies are served up their own special turkey and ham canine Christmas feast.
But we overcame all these obstacles, and a very special day was had. ‘We should do this every year,’ I said.
Fixing me with the look that only an exasperated mother can, she said ‘Well if we do, you can do more than turn up, be served your dinner and terrorise a seven-year-old who got a question wrong on Who Wants to Be A Millionaire’. (Saying ‘You don’t get a pass in life, so you don’t get a pass in the game’ is hardly terrorising, I thought to myself.)
Despite what my mother implied however, my contribution to Christmas Day had been considerable.
You see, Christmas had begun in earnest in October when I began the planning, chose the theme, did the shopping for the little snowman place names; finessed the important touches it would be just another bog-standard dinner without.
‘Rome,’ I remonstrated, ‘wasn’t built in a day’ – in an effort to illusAnd trate that my contribution had been the backbone of the celebration.
Turning to me with scissors in one hand and what I will only describe as a very un-festive look she replied, ‘That is true. But the Berlin Wall went up overnight. And there’s a 50/50 chance you’ll be left out in the cold next year if you don’t at least let everyone have fun playing Monopoly, and don’t leave the kids languishing in jail.’
You can’t win, sometimes.
The scroungers that put Scrooge to shame
SO 85 unnamed TDs and senators scoffed and quaffed their way through more than €70,000 worth of food and drink in the confines of Dáil Éireann last year, but won’t pay for it.
Given there are just 220 politicians in the Dáil, these Scrooges account for more than a third of our elected representatives.
I am surely not alone in finding this hard to stomach and it’s not the first time the taxpayer has been left picking up the tab for these scroungers.
A few years ago another €70,000 was written off as Dáil services admitted there was ‘no realistic’ prospect of recovering the money.
The rules were subsequently changed allowing two months’ credit but if still unpaid, bills could be deducted from their salaries.
now they’re at it again. These people are the most gilded group in the country – subsidised food and drink in the Dáil’s restaurants and bars, subsidised crèche fees, free parking, gold-plated pensions, sixfigure salaries, unvouched expenses and so on, and yet they won’t pay their bills like the rest of us mere mortals. This shower would surely put Ebenezer Scrooge to shame.
Boy racers are no laughing matter
LAST week in Portugal F1 world champion Max Verstappen was denied a rental car because of his age. The three-time Formula One World Champion was refused the keys to a rental Mercedes-AMG GT 4-door coupe by car hire company Sixt whilst holidaying in Portugal with a group of friends. Although Sixt does allow rental cars for drivers aged under 25 (Verstappen is 26), for its most powerful inventory, like the 470kW/900Nm AMG GT 4-door, it only allows drivers aged 30 and upwards to take out loans. In Waterford this weekend, road cops spotted a ‘suspiciously young-looking’ driver tootling along a major road behind the wheel of a car.
Further inspection confirmed that the motorist in question was in fact a 13-year-old child. While he was accompanied by drivers of legal age, his parents who were being passengered about by the teen-behind-the-wheel said their child was ‘taking them for a spin.’
While the image of a 13-year-old chauffeur might make some giggle – myself included! – there is nothing to laugh about with seven people already losing their lives on Irish roads already this year, hot on the heels of a year of increased road carnage last year.
The rules of the road are enforced for a reason whether you’re a world champ, a chancer of a child or the absolutely irresponsible idiot parents of that child, who I propose take their next ‘spin’ in the back of a police car straight to jail.
If you can’t say something nice...
‘DIVERSITY? Be honest, some women are simply too fat to wear leggings,’ so says Chip Wilson, the founder of Lululemon, the ghastly overpriced yoga gear brand.
It’s safe to say it’s no mystery why Wilson is no longer running the sports brand he founded, having departed the company nine years ago.
However, given he still holds billions in shares his utterances are another reason why women shouldn’t be forking out exorbitant sums for what is in effect an elongated piece of elastane that only enriches idiots named Chip.
What will it take to safeguard our dogs?
THE expression Ground‘dog’ Day sprang to mind as Christmas night had not even ended and already unwanted dogs and puppies were being dumped on the side of the road or – in one insufferably cruel instance – tethered with wire and left shivering in the cold outside a rescue centre.
When, I have to ask, will this barbarity end? How many dogs have to suffer before people stop buying ‘cute’ pups for Christmas presents?
Or, more importantly, when will any of our elected officials finally take a stand and say ‘enough is now enough’? I won’t hold my breath but I will still fight – and write – until my last.