A HARD SELL
Lions are a pale imitation of what they once were but cash cow will be milked for all it is worth...
TWENTY years ago, blues legend and Fleetwood Mac founder Peter Green played a gig at a packed Opera House in Cork. In his day, Green was the personification of cool, so good the great BB King said he was the only guitarist whose ability gave him ‘cold sweats’.
Thirty years on, there was no shortage of sweat as Green heaved himself up on stage in Cork, his former swager evaporated by middle age, but anticipation still fizzed through the Opera House air as he strapped on his famous guitar.
‘Play us some magic, Peter!’ called a woman from the crowd, sparking a wave of wild applause and whistles. He didn’t.
With the perfunctory assistance of his lacklustre backing band, Green worked his way through a series of limp ‘new material’ numbers which could all be categorised (to use the technical, musical term) as ‘wedding band sh**e’.
There was no engagement with the (increasingly disillusioned) audience until right at the end when he told us the band’s CDs were ‘only a tenner’ in the lobby. You’re alright, Pete. Green’s heyday occurred in the late 1960s and early ’70s – around the same time the Lions were in their pomp on the back of successful tours to New Zealand in 1971 and South Africa in 1974.
Watching Andy Farrell being launched as Lions leader this week with all the usual fuss and bluster and buzzword baloney that has become so associated with the brand, it felt like a hollow, Peter Green-esque facsimile of what was once truly great and meaningful. Like one of those tribute acts with the funny names (Oasish, Phoney M, Proxy Music, Amy Housewine) who put on a show but can never measure up to the real thing.
There was a time, in the amateur era, when journeys to the southern hemisphere represented trips into the great unknown — three-month expeditions to face opponents mythologised into monsterdom by lack of exposure to northern audiences.
Nowadays, it’s in, out, shake it all about, shed a few tears, release the obligatory documentary… cheque please.
There is no mystery any more. As rugby’s detractors will constantly remind you, there are only a handful of countries who play the game to any sort of decent level and we are well acquainted with every one.
We see these southern teams all the time in the professional era, the ‘mystique’ further reduced by the amount of Kiwis, South Africans and Aussies who move north to maximise earning potential by playing international rugby for adopted European countries.
Some of them even become Lions. Ker-ching.
The Lions once existed as a meaningful concept due to the size of the gap in standards between European rugby and the giants of South Africa and New Zealand.
It took four countries to have a hope against them on their own turf and, even then, with resources pooled, success was at a premium.
While the recent World Cup proved that the All Blacks and Springboks are still marginally ahead of the pack, the yawning divide that once existed with their northern rivals has been largely eradicated.
As for the tour to Australia next year? Australia’s rugby side has been in steady decline since they lost the 2003 World Cup final to Clive Woodward’s England and the last 12 months have seen them sink to an all-time low.
The Wallabies have lost nine of their last 12 international outings (including defeats by Italy and Fiji), the wins coming against Portugal, Georgia and Wales (who hammered them by 34 points a few months later at the World Cup when it really mattered).
Australia are not up to it. Just as they were not up to it in 2013.
Warren Gatland got an amount of grief for leaving out Brian O’Driscoll for the third Test. It was the wrong call for a match where the Lions could have started Mary McAleese at outside centre and still won handsomely.
Weak opponents, an already overcrowded calendar (amid evermounting concerns over player welfare), why do Lions tours still exist?
Money is the obvious answer. The cash cow imperative.
Legions of fans still adore the Lions concept – especially in the event junkie era of modern sport.
Not even the box-kicking awfulness of the last tour to South Africa in 2021 could put Lions devotees off (look up the highlights on YouTube, they are laughably bad) and they cannot get enough of the ‘four into one’, ‘us against the big boys’ concept, outdated as it may be.
That means money – vast swathes of revenue both in terms of TV income and cash on the ground, with the embattled Aussie union desperate for the massive funds injection they will receive when the Lions and their thousands of well-heeled supporters descend next year.
Players and coaches are also still well onside – and that is understandable. Not only is it a decent earner, there is also the considerable prestige with Lions selection.
Rugby careers are short and being recognised in this way amongst your peers means an awful lot. Peter Stringer will go down as one of the great Irish scrum-halves but deserved to have his consistency for Ireland recognised by the Lions and the fact that he didn’t undoubtedly rankles.
Conversely, Paul Wallace and Jeremy Davidson will be remembered as two great Ireland forwards but more for what they did on the 1997 Lions tour to South Africa than for what they did in green.
Like players, coaches will always regard Lions selection as the ultimate honour so are unlikely to speak out against the concept and Farrell’s selection as head coach is recognition of the excellent work he has done with Ireland.
Meanwhile, the media are extremely well looked after on Lions tours, with everything laid on, and the explicit message is ‘we are all in this together’, leading to generally positive coverage.
Even amid the excrement of the 2021 tour, there was not too much negativity coming back. ‘Immortality beckons’ was one standout headline on the morning of the decisive third Test – at a stage when the majority of right-minded observers were just praying for it all to end.
So, given those levels of broad support and money generation, there is no prospect of the Lions disappearing off the rugby radar any time soon. The hype machine will kick into gear over the next 18 months, and attempts will be made to equate next year’s toothless trip with the storied journeys of yore via clips of famous speeches, tries and all the rest. But, for some of us, the whole Lions thing feels a bit off. A manufactured concept that has passed its sell-by date.
Even the glory days have lost some lustre in the rear-view mirror (there is no doubt Lions tours played into ruling hands in South Africa during the Apartheid years) and it is hard to feel any real excitement for next year’s venture.
But be prepared for the hard sell as the hype train heats up. Already on the Lions website, there are stirring ads with didgeridoo sounds, sweeping shots of the outback, great clips of yesteryear and repeated urgings to ‘join the pride’.
CDs only a tenner in the lobby.
Gatland could have started Mary McAleese at outside centre and still won