I wonder if I’ll ever fall in love again
Paloma Faith tells Danny McElhinney why marriage is a gamble… and how she fears getting old alone
WA LOT OF PEOPLE JUST SIT IN A MARRIAGE
EVEN IF THEY’RE NOT HAPPY
hen interviewing Paloma Faith, I congratulate the star on her fine new album while commiserating with her on the circumstances that inspired its songs.
‘I know… Well, it better be lucrative,’ she says with a cackle.
That’s because The Glorification Of Sadness deals with the spilt from her partner of 10 years Leyman Lahcine with whom she has two children aged seven and two.
The 42-year-old singer and actor was previously married to chef Rian Haynes but they divorced in 2009. When I remark that some say marriage is a huge gamble in that a partnership that works for a couple in their twenties might not be sustainable for 30 or 40 years, she confirms that despite there being a track on the album called Divorce, she and Lahcine, a 37-year-old French artist, had not actually married.
‘I didn’t get married but having kids is way more of a commitment than getting married,’ she tells me. ‘I agree that it is a gamble but also quite a lot of people just sit in it [even] if they’re not happy. A lot of marriages are unhappy. They might say, “Oh yeah, we’re celebrating our 60th wedding anniversary”, but I don’t think all those years have been happy.’
On the first song on Paloma’s sixth album in 15 years, Sweatpants, she wonders about finding love and speaks of unfair expectations on working mothers in Pressure. She is reflective on How You Leave A Man and then there are absolute bangers and affirmative anthems such as God In A Dress, Let It Ride and Eat Sh** And Die. All bases are covered.
‘There’s an initial reaction of “I’ve just ruined everything, now I’m going to be crazy, reckless, unhinged, a tearaway for a bit…” she says. ‘Then the reality sets in and there’s more “What the hell have I done? I’m sad and depressed”. Then at the end there’s a glimmer of hope again where [you think], “What else is there left to do but enjoy the now?”’
On the aforementioned Sweatpants she wonders as she grows older will she find love again.
‘It was just the general idea that now that this has happened will anybody love me when I’m old?’ she says. ‘It’s just this worry that all this has happened and I’m thinking, “Does that mean that’s it for me? Am I going to be alone?” When I was younger… I’d think women in their 40s who are alone, “Oh, it’s tragic, she’s a spinster”. But the reality is that a lot of women are choosing to be alone because they don’t have the tolerance they had before. It’s almost like women have got to a place and they almost need to catch up in terms of feminism. I would like a relationship that’s equal and that is supportive on both sides. I think a lot of women are realising that they don’t always get that in heteronormative relationships. We are overworked and the expectation of us is too much. Just because you’re an alpha character and female it doesn’t mean you don’t need to be looked after sometimes. We all need it.’
Through the pain, Paloma has crafted an impressive piece of work but now will focus on herself and her children. ‘I’m glad that good music has come out of it; It will help me carry the burden of what went before for the rest of my life,’ she says. ‘I’ve always been somebody who puts a lot into relationships. I’ve always been quite a maternal figure… I’m like this goto person in a crisis. When my kids get older that might come back but right now they’re my focus.’
The Glorification Of Sadness is out now. Paloma Faith plays Dublin’s Iveagh Gardens on July 21.