IN YOUR 20s? ... you need to read this book
When American clinical psychologist Meg Jay is asked why she specialises in the mental health of people in their 20s, she replies, ‘Because that’s where the action is’.
Three-quarters of all mental health disorders emerge by the time we are 25, she writes in her illuminating and compassionate book The Twentysomething Treatment.
And our current crop of young are not doing well. Many are reporting feeling overwhelmed, stressed, anxious and depressed. They are likely to spend their 20s hopping from job to job, house-share to house-share and relationship to relationship (if they’re lucky enough to form any).
They have grown up either watching porn or having to deal with partners whose sexual expectations have been shaped by it. Whenever they use their phones, which is basically all the time, they are confronted with problems: racism, climate change, inequality, war.
To top it all, they are dismissed as ‘snowflakes’ by older generations and pitied for not having enough sex, not enough fun, for being too uptight and self-involved.
Jay’s book seeks to do three things, and it does all three very well. First, it sets out the problems that young people are experiencing. Then it explains how they can try to surmount them. Finally, it gives them reasons to hope for the future.
At the heart of why so many young people are struggling, she argues, is the fact that humans have evolved to be uncomfortable with uncertainty, and the years of our 20s are the most uncertain of our lives. This discomfort with uncertainty may be behind the rush many young people feel to find diagnoses for their problems, often online. Jay is often told by the kids who end up in her office that they have an anxiety disorder, or a personality disorder. Some do – but a lot of them feel bad because they are going through a bad time, and they haven’t developed the life skills to deal with it yet. Life, she believes, ‘is the best therapist of all, and it is affordable, and accessible, and right outside your door’.
The book is peppered with the stories of people who have sought Jay’s help. So we hear from Josie, who had an anxiety attack after receiving a call from an unknown number. And Irene, who is lonely but can’t bring herself to text people in case they don’t text back. And we meet Michael, a porn watcher who struggles to be intimate with women. Jay describes how she tried to help them, and how they got better (or why they didn’t).
The biggest problem with the book isn’t Jay’s fault: namely that many who would benefit from reading it are in no fit state to do so. Still, it is essential reading for anyone wanting to learn about what people are experiencing, and how to help them make it through.