‘I got a chicken curry from the Chinese, it was great’
IN THIS WEEK’S DIARIES TADHG EVANS TALKS ABOUT HIS DISMAY OVER CORK’S ‘DOUBLE’ IN 1990, AND THE LEGEND THAT IS MICHAEL JORDAN.
THE TAOISEACH’S DECISION TO GRANT ME EXTRA LEEWAY FROM MONDAY WILL NOW ALLOW ME TO COMPLETE THE WORLD’S MOST SCENIC DRIVE...
Wednesday, May 3
DEAR Diary – I’m on to episode seven of ‘ The Last Dance’, a wildly entertaining series about the 1990s Chicago Bulls basketball team and their greatest player, Michael Jordan.
I’m enjoying it, and it’s quickening the new normal of COVID times, but it’s depressing to see such fawning over fellas who chase a bag of air. Maybe I’m just jealous because I couldn’t kick a football out of my way – not a desirable trait for a Kerry man – but I genuinely find it quite pathetic.
In episode seven, set in 1993, Jordan retires from basketball after winning his third consecutive NBA championship – and he decides to go playing baseball instead. Imagine if Colm Cooper had stepped away from the Kerry seniors to hurl for Kilmoyley, and you’ll have a rough idea of how weird Jordan’s move was.
The press conference at which he announces his retirement was nauseating.
Everyone was there: Elvis, Winston Churchill, Cú Chulainn... I must ask my father if he was there. It was like that time Brian McFadden announced he was leaving Westlife, except Jordan was, to be fair to the man, actually good at what he did.
I’ve had enough of sporting prima donnas for one night. I’m having a bag of Taytos and heading to bed.
Thursday, May 4
DEAR Diary – I’m off today in lieu of the Bank Holiday Monday, and I use my time off wisely; I watched snooker and sent my sister for Chinese food.
Yes, snooker is back this week with the hastily arranged Championship League, a quick-fire 64man tournament that is, really, just a trial run to see if the World Championship can be run off later this summer. It’s all behind closed doors, but it doesn’t feel a whole lot different because snooker is played in silence anyway.
It’s a mickey-mouse tournament, but I’m in my element as world-number-67 Joe O’Connor faces world-number-80 Lee Walker. Walker (44) is better known for being the slowest player on tour than he is for actually doing anything of use, and O’Connor (24) has a lot to learn, so by now you’ll understand how unattractive this match would be to a normal person.
But I’m not a normal person. This is great. Less importantly, I got a chicken curry from the Chinese. It was great, but I hate having to separate the peas and onions from the good stuff.
I’ve a system that makes it faster: I get a fork, move the chicken from container to plate, and then I pour out the sauce. But as I pour, I place the fork against the corner of the container nearest the plate, and this filters out the unwanted healthy bits.
I still get burned occasionally, but I’m improving – just like Joe O’Connor, who’s raw but may win tournaments in the coming years.
Friday, May 5
DEAR Diary – Today’s announcement that, from Monday, we’ll be allowed to travel to anywhere in the county – as opposed to the 20km limit originally touted – was definitely designed to coincide with my annual leave.
Yes, I am off next week, and I’ll be free to sample the first meaningful steps back to the ‘old’ normal.
I knew my leave would coincide with the 20km limit, but I wasn’t especially excited about it. It would’ve allowed me to drive part of Slea Head, but I’d have to turn around before getting to the best bits. On a more dispiriting note, McDonald’s is also more than 20km from my house.
The Taoiseach’s decision to grant me extra leeway from Monday will now allow me to complete the world’s most scenic drive, and I can go for McNuggets afterwards if the mood takes me, and it always does.
It’s a time of opportunity, and there’s so much I haven’t seen. I hadn’t even been to Cahersiveen or Kenmare town until 2018, both of which I visited to cover a council meeting. I saw Paris and Berlin before I saw South Kerry’s two major urban powers, and this will give you an idea of what I’ve missed out on.
People have stood in my way long enough: Varadkar has given me a chance to do the Ring of Kerry at last, and I WILL seize that opportunity next week, come what may.
The weekend
DEAR Diary – I’m not sure if I’ll do the Ring of Kerry next week given the way the weather has gone. I don’t know if we’ve had two consecutive days of bad weather during the lock-down up to now, but we’re now into our third day in a row of dodgy-to-bad climate.
I’ve also woken up this Sunday morning with a throbbing not-alcohol-induced headache, and by now my hopes of enjoying a nice week off have turned into worries that things are going south before they ever even started.
But there’s more.
My sister’s boyfriend hands me a copy on Sunday evening of ‘ The Double’, a book documenting Cork’s fortunate wins in both All-Ireland championships in 1990, hurling and football. He says I “might enjoy it”.
I look at the cover with a mix of disgust and curiosity. Disgust because, though some will tell you that Cork’s double was the greatest achievement in GAA history, others (from Kerry) will tell you it was a tragedy. I wasn’t born in 1990, but ‘ the double’ still gives me the shivers.
Curiosity because I’ve heard it is actually a very fine book, and there is a chance I may “enjoy it”.
I read the first few pages and, yes, it is clearly a beautifully written account of that appalling summer. I’ll give the book a chance.
If I’m going to read about Cork fluking not one but two All-Irelands, I may as well get the story from someone who can actually write well.