In defeat we find the strength to go on

IN a week that saw Anthony Foley’s death and the incredible outpouring of grief that followed, I was reminded of the losses he encountered as a player losing out on two Heineken Cup finals before finally getting to bring it home. Although his death exposed the fragility and unexpectedness of life, it also demonstrated a life well lived, served and played.

In defeat and loss we are always reminded of the important things: love, integrity, strength, unity, vision, support and so on. We know that victory is sweet but we’re told it’s the journey that’s important. And of course this is true. For Anthony Foley’s wife, children, parents and family, I imagine they would swap every last victory for a longer journey shared with a man they loved.

In a week where my daughter was in the offing to win three county GAA championship medals – she lost two and the third remains to be seen – her losses on the playing field don’t compare to the grief of a family in Clare or indeed to the grief of a family anywhere. But in our small world it is a loss of another kind and grief in another form for her team-mates, mentors and everyone who supported them.

Twice this week we stood on the sidelines and watched the dream slip away. On both occasions they were beaten by the better team, so it wasn’t like we left the game behind us. Those who won deserved to win. But that is small consolation when standing in a semi-circle facing the winning team come prize presentation. You don’t begrudge the victors their smiles, their whoops and their elation but you just wish it was us!

As we trailed off the pitch I looked to muster up new words to say to my daughter when I noticed one of her friends in full school uniform with her school bag on her back. It was 9 o’clock at night and we were at a pitch miles from home. She had been at study but left early, spending two hours in public transport to be there. I gave out to her for not asking us for a lift but there was no strength to my voice as I was moved by her gesture. Of course she didn’t see it as a gesture at all, just a practicality, a necessity and a given.

So as we took her home with us, a schoolgirl with a school bag on her back entertained us with stories and dramatics. My need to come up with profound words or wisdoms in the face of defeat was redundant because a girl who lost two county championship medals in one week was in the back seat of the car roaring with laughter alongside her pal.

Anthony Foley was synonymous with resilience. He not only personified it but he powered it in others. We cannot all be heroes, champions and winners but we can be friendship, support and connection; resilience to each other as we navigate together the fragile unknown journey that is life.