Our education system must make time for lessons on relationships

MY first paid employment was a part-time job with Quinnsworth over 30 years ago and the advice my father gave me back then has never been more relevant to what is happening today.

In going to work that first day, he addressed the fact that I was now an adult doing adult things but inherent to all things adult, there were responsibilities. One of those responsibilities was to use caution when it came to gossip or commentary, both professionally and personally. He advised me to never say, do or write anything that I could not defend with honour and truth in open court.

It was a dramatic thing to say to his young daughter who was only looking to earn some extra cash. But it is advice that I have wittingly and unwittingly taken onboard my whole adult life. Next to my mother’s wisdom of “don’t worry about what people are thinking about you because they are probably not thinking about you at all”, I cannot deny that parental pragmatism has served me well.

Evidence from the Belfast Rape Trial and certain reactions to the verdict was very indicative of a culture; a particular culture existing amongst some young men today.

The Ireland and Ulster rugby player (not on trial) who was identified as the composer of an offensive WhatsApp message to one of the defendants, (presented in evidence), has come out in apology and regret for his words. Two further prominent sportsmen have also apologised and expressed regret for tweets about the complainant in the immediate aftermath of the verdict.

Why write such things in the first place? Should people not know better?

But this is the crux of it – they don’t. Somehow amidst the technological revolution, rampant consumerism and the body beautiful, principles of good behaviour have been lost.

I welcome the Minister for Education’s call for improved measures in how relationships, sexuality and the issue of consent are dealt with in schools, something for which I have been championing. We credited the rape trial for starting a conversation with our young men and women but that is a cop out. We should not have to rely on the destruction of lives for this conversation to begin. As parents, teachers, mentors and leaders, we are all responsible for this discourse.

Recent events have exposed acutely the detriment of negative peer pressure extending to the infinite world of social media. But peer pressure can be positive too and a valuable learning tool. Regular space on the school curriculum needs to be made for dialogue on issues that have been long since been avoided or bypassed. Maths theorems and verb declensions have their worth, but knowing how to contribute meaningfully, equally and respectfully to any relationship whether that relationship be personal, casual, work, social – serves not just the individual but society. Our society.