Nice should never be underestimated and doesn’t have to involve grand gestures

IREALLY resent some of the stuff on radio which is a pity because it’s my favourite form of media. When I want a debate, I tune into a news programme, when I want music, I turn on a music station so it irritates me when those music station people talk; just do what it says on the tin please and play the music.

That said, I happened upon a discussion on a dedicated music channel that piqued my interest (every other station was playing ads which is another major irritant – the simultaneity of it all). At the centre of the discussion was a question borne from some Twitter thread; namely “what are the things your partner does for you that are not romantic but that make you love them more?”

One person said that every night her partner ran her a bath. Yes, every night. Another said, that every morning her partner moved her towel closer to the shower to facilitate transition from shower to terra-firma. Notwithstanding the undercurrent of naked females, I thought it was nice. Now, “nice” often gets a bad rap but much like kindness, it should never be underestimated.

Anyway. The aimless chatter got me thinking. I am not married to the most romantic guy but he does do nice things for me. Be assured I’m not about to list them here but I will say that the radio discussion made me reflect and think about some of our best moments. In so doing however, it struck me that some of our best moments happened during our worst times which didn’t involve grand gestures or profound proclamations but rather comprised of a look, a feeling or a sentiment, an undefinable thing that made sense of was happening and made sense of us. Naturally, we all hope to duck the worst part of the “for better or for worse” but without the “worse” bit, he and me might never have seen the best. But something happened this week. This week saw our youngest get her Leaving Cert results. This is not a nice process. It’s not for the faint-hearted nor for the lion-hearted either. You try without dramatics to drill into her very bones that regardless of what comes out of that A4 envelope, that she is already wonderful, brilliant, beautiful and every other superlative under the sun. But you don’t patronise and you don’t belittle. Instead you hold your tongue, respect her fear and wait.

So, he and me wait up front in the car as she opens the envelope in the back. Tears fall, smiles swallow them and relief floods souls. She is happy. I look across at himself and he looks back at me. We have done it- the last child out of the trap! And she is happy. So that right there in the middle of one of our best times, we have a best moment.

And it was nice. Because much like kindness, nice should not be underestimated. Ever.”