The Kerryman (South Kerry Edition)
A kind and gentle lady who was loved by all
EILEEN ‘Lyle’ O’Connor (née Foley) was born on May 22 (she was always very coy about her age, so for that reason I am omitting the exact year), the second of seven children to Pat and Nancy Foley (née Cronin) at their home in Keelcoulaght, Killorglin. Eileen was always very specific about belonging to Killorglin as opposed to Beaufort, and used to recite the following rhyme to us when we were children:
‘Hay and oats for the Beaufort goats; Eggs and rashers for the Killorglin smashers’.
There are variations of this same rhyme throughout Kerry incorporating various parish and even street names, so I’m quite sure that there was no personal offence intended towards the good people of Beaufort.
Having attended school at Kilgobnet NS, Eileen worked in a variety of different positions, including at the fishing-tackle factory in Killorglin. Her light-hearted personality shone through in the various amusing stories she told us about her workplace, where she often found herself “on the carpet” (as she herself put it) with the boss, on days when there was maybe a little too much chatting going on.
Having met her future husband, Francis, Eileen decided to go to England, first to the north of the country, and later to London, where they married on July 25, 1964.
Their first child, Susan, was born on April 18, 1966. Sadly, there were complications during the birth, which left Susan with life-changing special needs. After careful consideration, it was decided to return home to Kerry, where they would be surrounded by love and support from the Foley and O’Connor families.
Susan’s birth was followed in due course by those of Tony, Frank, Sean, Claire and Alan.
The house in Mountain View was always a happy, if occasionally noisy, home. From an early age, we learned that Susan needed extra care and attention, but we always felt loved and cherished too. Eileen often told us that when each of us learned to pull ourselves up and walk, she’d be so proud that she’d feel like running outside and telling everyone she met.
Eileen was Susan’s tireless advocate and champion for the entire 32 years of her life. She often came up against downright pointless bureaucracy and incompetence in her dealings with the health services, but always conducted herself with dignity and grace. No matter how inwardly furious she was, she had a way of making her point without losing her temper.
Susan’s death on November 6, 1998, after a short illness, came as a huge blow to us all, particularly to Eileen, who had been her voice and constant protector throughout her whole life. She’d devoted 32 years to looking after Susan’s every need, and even many years later never could shake off the feeling that she should be getting home to check on her.
It is a testament to Eileen’s extraordinary strength of character that she returned to full-time work about a year after Susan’s death. She also undertook a number of courses and travelled to many new places, notably to Perth in Western Australia, where her youngest son, Alan, lives with his wife, Shelley, and their sons Cormac and Aidan. It was on one of these visits that she resolved to give up smoking, which she duly did with her characteristic ally steely determination.
Eileen was extremely gifted with her hands, and was a particularly talented knitter. From jumpers to scarves, Christening outfits to dolls clothes, there was nothing she couldn’t turn her hand to. She even designed and knitted a wedding dress for her daughter-in-law, Kathleen, who reaped the benefits of it in spades as the wedding took place on a chilly October day. Many years later she also designed and knitted a First Holy Communion dress for Kathleen’s daughter, Lucia.
Eileen had many interests and was always up to date with what was happening in the world. She could hold a conversation on any topic and always had a very informed viewpoint. She loved to read, and always had a book on the go.
She particularly enjoyed murder mystery books – the more gory the better – but, strangely, if there was a grisly murder series on TV, she couldn’t bear to watch.
Eileen’s children and grandchildren were her absolute pride and joy. She was never shy about expressing her feelings for them, and was absolutely adored by them in turn. No matter how old we got, her arms were always a safe space to retreat to when things were not going well, and she was always the first person you’d call when things began to improve.
When she was first diagnosed with breast cancer in January 2018, she resolved to fight it right from the start. She underwent a mastectomy, followed by chemotherapy and radiotherapy, all of which were emotionally and physically taxing, but she never let it get her down. Instead, she met every challenge with extraordinary strength and determination. Whenever one of us voiced the opinion that it was so unfair that she should have to go through it all, she would say that she would rather go through it than see any member of her family have to do so. Learning that the cancer had returned in September 2019, was a devastating blow to us all, but we did our best to look after her as she had always looked after us. Her final week on this earth was spent in the Palliative Care Unit of University Hospital Kerry. While it was one of the hardest weeks of our lives in many ways, it was also a very precious time, during which each of us was privileged to spend time with our beloved Eileen, both individually and as a family. We all got to tell her what we needed to say, and there are no regrets on that score.
Eileen’s passing in the early hours of November 2, 2019 – All Souls Day – was peaceful, painless and dignified. We will be forever thankful to all in the Palliative Care Unit for their kindness, compassion and professionalism. The crowds who attended Eileen’s Removal and Requiem Mass bore witness to the esteem in which she was held.
Her passing has left an immense void in all our lives. Eileen will be forever missed by her husband, Francis; daughter, Claire; sons, Tony, Frank, Sean and Alan; daughtersin-law, Mary, Kathleen, Mary Anne and Shelley; grandchildren, Keelan, Clod agh, Christopher, Michael a, Lucia, Rian, Rory, Donnacha, Corm ac and Aidan. In addition to this, she is much-loved, missed and remembered by her brothers, Sean and Joe; her sisters, Kitty, Siobhan, Anna and Mary; as well as her in-laws, nieces, nephews, neighbours and a large circle of friends. May she rest in peace.
Thank you for the days.