Here’s a good yarn about the frustrating and funny sides of water

I’D planned to write a rip-roaring column about Irish Water. What’s that famous Harold Macmillan comment; ‘Events, my dear boy, events’. Whether he said it or not, it certainly is one of the most apt throw-away quips I’ve ever heard. And it certainly applies these days.

On the scale of things in this ever-evolving crisis, my Irish Water story fades into insignificance. But it’s a good yarn and worth a story. Funny side to it too.

On Wednesday March 4, I was at an excruciating meeting, badly organised, inefficient and most annoying. I was fit to explode. I arrived home, exhausted and angry, sometime before 8pm. Awaiting me was mail from Irish Water.

The letter, dated February 26, 2020, informed me that a ‘recent’ meter reading indicated that I was using an average of 1,700 litres of water per day. My usual consumption is under 100 litres per day. What an end to a terrible day. 1,700 litres is 374 gallons. It’s enough water for 13 people per day.

Irish Water did explain that I may be able to avail of their First Fix for Free Scheme. I logged on to their website, reported the leak. I phoned early next day and again acknowledged their letter and reported the leak. I was told that contractors would contact me within 10 days. On a subsequent call I was informed the contractors would contact me within 14 days. That misunderstanding has now been resolved. The 10 days meant 10 working days.

I’m writing this on March 18 and still no word from the contractors. I wait in hope, but also in trepidation as Covid -19 hovers over all of us. Water is a limited resource that needs to be protected. I’ve experienced a side to Irish Water that makes me nervous and even somewhat cynical about the management of the utility.

I phoned them on four occasions looking for information. In the letter they told me that I was using on average 1,700 litres per day. That means they must have taken two readings. On the first occasion, when I asked them when they had read the meter, they were unable to tell me. In a subsequent call I was told that they only read it once. That intrigues me as how can you work out an average on one reading?

Eventually, after two or three calls I managed to find out when they took the reading. The meter reading that discovered the disproportionate use of water was taken on August 9, 2019. It took them six months and 17 days to inform me of the problem. What sort of a management team could allow something like this to happen? In their letter they referred to it as a recent reading.

I had been scared that the leak might be under my house but I’m inclined to think it’s not. The day before writing this I discovered it’s in the garden. I hope the water stays away from my house.

There have been funny aspects to it too. To conserve water, I’ve been turning off the main valve but that in turn creates an airlock. I’ve discovered how to fix an airlock in the pipes. I’ve always fancied myself as a potential plumber. At last I might have discovered my true calling. On another occasion I found myself in the attic, having difficulties getting down. I didn’t have my mobile phone to call for help.

I note my letter was signed by Irish Water MD, Eamon Gallen.