Stefan points the way forward

Since he broke his silence last week on the issue of race in the GAA, Geelong star Stefan Okunbor has felt a weight off his shoulders, writes John O’Dowd

THIS could have been a difficult week for Stefan Okunbor. When the Geelong Cats player decided to open his heart and publicise the racist abuse that he received on three separate occasions, both on and off the pitch, during his life growing up in Kerry, he knew that he was potentially setting free a can of worms that might be difficult to control.

While the decision to release those pent-up emotions that had almost been suffocating his thoughts over the last four years or so took unbelievable character, courage and determination, the 21-year-old was fully aware that once you raise your head above the parapet by shining a light on a topic that some people don’t like discussing, you can get that same head chopped off pretty quickly.

There was no need to worry. Not in the slightest. The former Kerry minor and under-20 has been inundated with hundreds of messages of support, from within the Kingdom, other parts of Ireland and in his current home of Australia.

People were shocked to hear his story. They fully understood, however, that it took guts to tell it. They were disgusted by what they read. But were consumed with unstinting admiration for the person on the receiving end of the horrible insults.

An Ghaeltacht’s Franz Sauerland was so inspired by the Na Gaeil clubman’s powerful and emotional words that he felt liberated to such a degree himself that opening the door into his own personal experiences simply felt like the most natural thing in the world to do.

Being a catalyst to launch a proper and meaningful debate on the subject of racism is what Stefan Okunbor wanted all along. This was never about himself. This was never about one person. This was about giving freedom to others to break free from the shackles of keeping these experiences hidden in the dark excesses of the mind.

People are now letting it all out there . . . that’s why this has been one of the best weeks of Stefan Okunbor’s life.

“The week has been a bit hectic alright, but it has been everything that I anticipated and intended,” said the Tralee man in an interview with The Kerryman.

“Everything has been great. This was never a matter of me being happy, this was not about me.

“This was about other players gaining that confidence to share their own experiences. It’s then up to people to take it upon themselves to sort it all out.

“It was great to see Franz speaking up. It was a very tough read, but his response to the abuse was that of a complete gentleman. He responded in Gaelic, and that really took courage and an awful lot of leadership.

“I appreciate the call-out from Franz but, like I have said, this is far bigger than me being happy. The piece I wrote wasn’t about me. It’s about other people speaking up.

“I have received plenty of support from the Kerry senior panel this week, from players in other counties of the GAA as well, it’s been quite amazing really.”

Okunbor’s last game in the green and gold jersey was an All-Ireland under-20 semi-final against Kildare. Kerry were pipped by a single point. For the first time in his life, the Na Gaeil man is ready to reveal that it wasn’t just the narrow defeat that sickened him that day.

“I don’t want people to be

pointing fingers at any particular county. This issue is more widespread than that. It is all over Ireland,” he added.

“In the past, my defence mechanism was to try and forget that it happened. You move on, you say to yourself that there’s a bad apple in every bunch.

“At the time, it was a tough loss to take on the field. I wanted to simply forget about the game, and the incident that happened.

“This was a heated affair, and at half-time, one of their players told me to go back to my own country. Another Kerry player witnessed it happening. It was my send-off with Kerry that I wasn’t going to forget in a hurry.

“I haven’t spoken about this to anybody, not even my own family. If I had reported it at the time, that player might not have been able to go on and win an All-Ireland medal. That still digs away a bit at me.

“I am pretty happy now to be able to give that platform to other players to gain that confidence to speak up. Without having the fear that they might be ostracised for it.”

In Stefan’s own words, being the victim of racist insults made him feel ‘belittled’, ‘miniscule’, that ‘being called a black bastard was crippling’, not to mention the phrase that really struck this writer most deeply – ‘having to endure the embarrassment.’

Why did you feel ‘embarrassed’? Surely it should be those responsible for the vile abuse who feel that way?

“That’s a good question! I never thought about it like that. As a minority, you just want to fit in. All my friends see me as just Stefan. When you are then identified as something different like a black bastard, that really is crippling and embarrassing.

“When I wrote my piece, I didn’t bat an eyelid in using that word. That’s how I felt. None of my words were pre-meditated or anything like that. It was all straight from the heart. I just came home one evening, had my dinner and then typed it up on the couch. It took me about an hour. I just had to finally get it all off my chest.

“There has definitely been a weight lifted off my shoulders. Now I have shared my experiences with friends and family and stuff, the feeling that really brings joy to my heart is seeing other players speaking out. Many of them wouldn’t have done so otherwise. As I said, that’s what the piece intended.”

Okunbor is also hugely grateful for the way he has been wrapped up all week in the loving and comforting bosom of the Geelong club and, while some of the players were totally shocked at hearing his story, they have praised his leadership on the issue.

The Tralee man believes that it’s time that the GAA took a stronger line on the topic, that suspensions do not seem to be enough to eradicate the problem.

“I honestly don’t think that there is a real fear of censure among the players. They might get a slap on the wrist, but there were times where I felt that I was battling the issue of racism alone. The GAA has to put a serious emphasis on the issue.

“Giving a player an eightweek ban or a four-week ban is not enough. There has to be an education programme, that could be a very positive initiative, because it’s clear that the banning of players is not doing much to sort things out once and for all.”

The only negative aspect to the week for the 21-year-old is the fact that, sadly, despite all the messages of commendation and appreciation for his stance, there hasn’t been a single apology from the four different perpetrators of the racist incidents.

“Will any good come from all this? Will people learn their lesson? I have got great positive feedback, but I have received no apologies for the three incidents that occurred on the playing fields. Those three boys are all roughly the same age as me. There is no doubt but that they would have seen my article or heard about it during the week.

“As regards the older person who abused me in my first work job, assuming that he can read, I certainly wouldn’t have expected any response from him.

“Not everybody is a paragon of virtue, anybody can say something that they later regret, but it takes a lot of courage to accept that you were wrong. Some people are too stubborn to admit that.

“Nine times out of ten, the person who receives the racist abuse will always remember those incidents. It’s so hard to remove it from your mind. I’m willing to forgive if people are willing to change. Everybody makes mistakes.

“It all stems back to the fact that you are a product of your surroundings. If you hang around with people who are racist and stuff like that, you become desensitised to how those words hurt people’s feelings. Most households these days would be completely advocating diversity among their friendship groups.

“I have only mentioned three or four incidents that happened in my last year in Ireland. How many more incidents have taken place that we haven’t heard about? When will people realise that this is a serious problem? It’s more widespread than we think.”

What about individuals out there who still live by the almost ‘caveman’ motto of ‘what happens on the field must stay on the field’? Has Stefan any fears that, by revealing the truth of what he has been through, it could be held against him in the future in some quarters?

“You would hope not in Kerry. There are always a few backwards-minded people in every community but, hopefully, it won’t be an issue.

“From the responses I have been getting so far, everybody is extremely supportive. That is a great sign of the values that the people of Kerry embody. It’s incumbent on all of society to execute those good values in our daily lives.”

For long enough, Stefan Okunbor was suffering internal heartache and pain that was eating away at him every single day. Finding the inner strength to finally break down the barriers of silence has released any demons that were lurking deep inside him.

He is a role model for young and old. He is a leader. He has shown maturity beyond his years. He embodies the true spirit of what a Kerry man should be. He is, and always has been, one of us. We are lucky and privileged to have him.

I honestly don’t think that there is a real fear of censure among the players. They might get a slap on the wrist... the GAA hs to put a serious emphasis