IT’S A SPECIAL KIND OF CARE
‘ THERE ARE NO BAD DEATHS AT THE HOSPICE. NEILL DIED WITH DIGNITY’
IT acted as a space of comfort in an otherwise challenging time.
A day before his 30th birthday, Neill McGarry passed away at North West Hospice after a 22- month battle with cancer.
According to his father, Dessie, battle is an apt word to describe his final two years.
“He put such an effort into staying alive, he really put us all to shame,” he said.
But while North West Hospice was Neill’s second home in his last weeks, it meant just as much to his family.
The loyalty, expertise, and most importantly the optimism portrayed by the staff was obvious once walking through the front door.
And for in- patients, it was the efforts made to make their stay as comfortable as possible.
Dessie said: “Neill felt very safe here. He was allowed have his televisions, Playstations, guitars and never was a word said.
“There was a great sense of home and well- being. As a family member, you’re very welcome and never feel in the way. They can’t do enough for you. The staff just want to do as much as possible for you.”
He added that his son was allowed to die with dignity as staff showed Neill so much respect.
“My son’s death is not painful because of the treatment or how he died, it’s painful because of the loss. We don’t have that trauma of a loved one having a bad death. There are no bad deaths at the Hospice.”
If any family knows the effects of cancer, it’s the McGarry family. They carry a genetic disorder, Lynch Syndrome, which increases their risks of cancer. Dessie himself has survived multiple forms of the disease, and his father passed away just before Neill in the care of the hospice’s home team.
Dessie’s brother, Paul, asserts that the role of North West Hospice in their lives has been life altering.
He said: “One thing that always lives with me is when my dad was dying and a nurse came to the house to see him.
“She put her hand on his shoulders and walked around the bed, still touching him. It was a thing of beauty to see this intimacy between two strangers.”
He added: “It’s a lovely thing to have, and we are definitely blessed to have it here in Sligo. The staff are excellent at reading a situation and by that they’re breaking down the anxiety of the family.”
But the brothers admit there is a stigma associated with the role of the hospice in a person’s illness.
Dessie compares it to 1930s workhouses where people went to stay and die.
“In the space of two years, we had two people in our lives that needed it and that’s where our relationship started. It’s not until you realise the complexity of the hospice that you truly understand it.”
Paul agreed, saying: “My nephew Neill had the option to stay at home but he chose to spend his final three weeks at the hospice.
“For him to die at home, we would have to live with that forever. But because he died at the hospice, it’s a different scenario for the family. That must be worth its weight in gold.”
Nowadays, the McGarry family celebrate Neill’s life through the Lough Gill Swim, a yearly event which raises money for North West Hospice.
Paul, the brains behind the idea, said: “After Neill’s death, my views on life changed. I knew I had to give something back. From my perspective, I wanted to do something that challenged people, but the truth is we get to finish in front of hundreds of applauding people at the end of the swim. This is not the case with cancer.”
Paul added that he is so thankful the swim has grown into a community event, and since its establishment six years ago, nearly € 150k has been raised.
While the goal of the day is to raise money for the hospice, it is also always an opportunity to remember Neill – their intelligent, music and technology- loving nephew and son.
“We never think of the hospice as the place where Neill died, we don’t feel that remorse,” said Dessie.
“His body may have been confined, but his mind wasn’t.”