The Teenager asked if he could have friends over. And I said Yes...

TEENAGERS. One word but such a bloody big headache for parents. When they’re small you can’t wait for them to get older so you’re done with nappies and bottles and sleepless nights. And then they become teenagers and it’s a whole other set of problems which still ultimately result in sleepless nights.

It’s a stage I’m finding difficult to navigate. I hate having to be a mature, responsible adult who gives out when they come in late and demands to know what they’ve been up to. Secretly I’m far more interested in the gritty details of their adolescent friendships, none of which I’m ever sadly, going to be privy to. I want to be allowed follow him on Facebook and Instagram, watch his Snapchat videos and be part of his WhatsApp group.

I know, I know, you all think I’m reliving my teenage years vicariously through my nearly 15-year-old – but I’m not. He’s way more sensible and well-behaved than I was at his age, which makes me relieved and also slightly disappointed.

So when he asked me could he have a few friends over while he was babysitting The Youngest the other day, I immediately said Yes. After all isn’t it better to know where he is and who he is with? That’s what all parenting experts say.

I rang to check everything was ok. The Youngest answered the phone amid a cacophony of teenage male and female voices. ‘Eh how many are there?’ I asked her. She paused, probably for effect and announced dramatically: ‘11.’

Eleven teenagers wrecking the gaff. I asked to speak to The Eldest. ‘11? Seriously? You said a few friends.’ He wasn’t a bit bothered. ‘Well, you didn’t ask me to specify numbers.’ Cheeky little git. I told him not to make a mess and because I couldn’t think of anything else to say I hung up and texted his father to inform him of this most recent development.

As expected he went ballistic and a war of words via text ensued between father and son with the teenager eventually texting, ‘Dad, relax. You’d swear all my friends were drug addicts.’ Drugs? Did someone mention drugs?.

I finished work early but rather than go home and face 11 teenagers, I chickened out and went to Aldi for a browse before sitting in the car park for 10 minutes eating a packet of crisps. Himself pulled into the house at the same time as me.

‘You go first... I’m afraid,’ I told him, nudging him in front of me. He charged through the front door all prepared for battle only to find the house empty save our own two offspring. ‘Look at the state of the couch,’ he said, plumping cushions and collecting mugs, something he’d normally never do.

The Teenager rolled his eyes and I started to giggle uncontrollably. Himself glared. ‘You do know you’re supposed to be the adult here?’ I nodded, afraid to speak in case I’d laugh. ‘Are you not going to say anything to him?’ he asked me.

I looked at The Eldest: ‘Did you get the shift?’