Reducing luggage load forced me to prioritise – which I found impossible

I’M off on my travels again. This is not as glamorous as it sounds, least you all start feeling jealous. It’s not a holiday, more a Care of The Aged type thing! I’ve been sent to keep an eye on The Old Man who is prone to being led astray, which actually now that I think of it, so am I. This does not bode well!

In the meantime he informed me I was not to bring ‘a whole load of shite’ and was to limit myself to carry on luggage. I have never in my life travelled with just carry on luggage. I went to France for three days recently and checked in a suitcase! I have baggage – a lot of it!

Packing was torture. By the time I packed my underwear the bag was nearly full. ‘Why are you bringing 14 pairs of knickers when you’re only going for five days?’ Himself inquired.

I explained one for the daytime, one for the nighttime and four pairs

‘just in case.’ I squashed in as much as I could

– three pairs of shoes, jeans, shorts, tee shirts, sweatshirts, make up and sat on it for a good five minutes to close it.

I was pretty proud of myself for managing to travel light by the time I got to the airport. Into security I went and lobbed the bag up on the conveyor belt. ‘Any toiletries, liquids etc?’ The security fella asked. I produced my three Tesco ziplock bags which contained

JUST my essential make up and toiletries.

‘Ye can’t bring all that with ya. You’re only allowed one bag,’ he informed me. I was horrified. ‘What? No one told me that!’

‘Well that’s the rules,’ he said smugly, starting to take stuff out of the bags. ‘Stop!’ I cried, trying to grab my Mac lipsticks and my hair serum back. ‘You can’t take that! I’ll look like the wreck off the Hesperus if I don’t have that,’ I made a grab for the serum.

‘You’ll have to prioritise,’ he told me heartlessly as he emptied the three bags into the tray. I gave him my evil eye, saved for the most vile people on earth but there wasn’t a bother off him. Slowly I handed him my brand new moisturiser, beauty elixir (don’t ask me what that is but it’s supposed to make you look ten years younger!) my eye cream, shampoo, two lipglosses, sun cream and conditioner.

‘You’re not getting my serum,’ I snapped as I put the paltry leftovers back in the bag. ‘You can keep what you want as long as it fits into that bag,’ he smirked.

Fecker.

This wouldn’t have happened if they’d let me book in a bloody suitcase.

Feckers.

I WAS TOLD I WAS TO LIMIT MYSELF TO CARRY ON LUGGAGE – BY THE TIME I PACKED MY UNDERWEAR THE BAG WAS NEARLY FULL