Loads of fun playing the nickname game
WHEN SHAKESPEARE penned the immortal words, ‘What’s in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet’, he certainly didn’t have monikers of sports stars in mind.
Definitely not Cheddar Plunkett or Tiger Woods anyway, who are so widely known by their nicknames that many might not be sure what’s scribed on their birth certificates (Séamus and Eldrick, to save anyone that’s in the dark the trouble of googling).
I’ve been doing a bit of thinking about just that very subject over the past few days – those from the world of sport who are as easily recognised by their pet name as the one they were christened with.
Not the likes of darts, snooker or boxing, where the names are forced upon them by the marketeers, just so the announcer can give it loads when he’s calling The Power, The Rocket or The Hitman to the stage, theatre or ring.
Being brought up in a rural parish, nicknames were commonplace.
You could give Tortoise, The Horse and Sniggers a helping hand on the building site during the day, and watch Lettuce, Toe or Lurch lording it on the G.A.A. pitch in the evening, before heading for a few bevvies surrounded by the likes of Beavis, Rattler and the Mixer.
I was saddled with a few odd names myself as a youngster, like Daithí Lacha, then the shortened version Dots, or occasionally ‘Bisto’, all tags which I’ve thankfully managed to shake off, apart from occasionally when I run into a long-lost childhood acquaintance.
Others are labelled for life, however, and in the world of Gaelic games there’s plenty to be found.
Names like The Gooch, Star, Brick, Bubbles, The Bomber, Gizzy, The Rock and Babs roll off the tongue and are instantly recognisable to all with even a passing interest.
When Clare were in their pomp in the mid-nineties, they had The Sparrow flying in attack and Fingers strutting his stuff in the forward line with his familiar swagger.
Then there’s ones that sound like the perfect ingredients for a fun-filled child’s birthday party: Antrim’s Terence ‘Sambo’ McNaughton, Cavan’s Seánie ‘Jelly’ Johnston and, to finish off, a slice of Shane ‘Cake’ Curran from Roscommon.
You could even call on another sport and bring in former Chicago Bears star William ‘The Refrigerator’ Perry to keep everything fresh and nicely chilled.
If the G.A.A. can allow American football into Croke Park, surely I’m also given licence to bring an outsider into my column?
Then you have Eugene ‘Nudie’ Hughes, who some could mistakenly put on the guest list for an entirely different sort of get-together.
The world of soccer is no different when it comes to this particular subject, with plenty of weird and amusing examples to be found around the world.
Brazilians are well known for having their nicknames on the backs of their jersey, with ‘Hulk’ being a case in point.
It’s probably unsurprising when you consider his full title is Givanildo Vieira de Souza.
I certainly wouldn’t like to fork out the shillings to get that plastered on the back of the young lad’s replica kit.
For similar reasons, and in true Only Fools and Horses style,
Ceser Azpilicueta and Guylain Ndumbu-Nsungu are often called the less tongue-twistery name ‘Dave’. At least my parents made it easy for me, something to be grateful for I guess.
Sergio Aguero can go back a further generation, as he has his grandparents to thank for his name ‘Kun’.
They spotted his resemblance to a cute little cartoon character that was actually called ‘KumKum’, and it stuck.
Then there’s others who had names bestowed upon them for more obvious reasons, their no-nonsense playing style, like The Butcher of Bilbao Andoni Goikoetxea, Stuart ‘Psycho’
Pearce, or Ron ‘Chopper’ Harris.
At the other end of the scale, Darren Anderton was out injured so often he was dubbed ‘Sicknote’, while Roberto Baggio was known as ‘Il Divin Codino’, which translates as The Divine Ponytail, a nod to his Buddhist beliefs, silky skills and dodgy hairstyle.
However, my own personal favourite is journeyman defender Fitz Hall, who played for a number of English clubs including Crystal Palace, Queens Park Rangers and Oldham Athletic.
He was handed the rather clever label ‘One Size’.
Never mind your Romeo and Juliet, even Shakespeare would have been proud of that one.