SANTA’S ON HIS WAY... AND HE NEEDS A FAVOUR
A MAJOR operation has swung into action across County Wicklow in anticipation of the arrival of a famous, portly white-bearded gentleman who is in need of an extra special favour from children across County Wicklow this Christmas.
Santa is able to move faster than the speed of sound this year as both he and his nine reindeers Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen and Rudolph have slimmed down considerably due to a crisis in the North Pole.
Chief Elfecutive Officer of the North Pole, Simon Snow bottom, said changing weather conditions in the tundra due to global warming has meant reindeers and Santa Claus have not been able to get enough of the correct food over recent months.
Snow usually covers the ground in the North Pole for eight months of the year, which, combined with low temperatures, limits grass growth to June and July. Reindeers love grass but more rainfall due to warmer temperatures means they cannot access the grass as it gets covered by rainfall, which freezes when it settles on the snow. They have been forced to eat jellybeans which don’t give them enough energy to drag Santa’s favourite food to him, cookies. They do, however, make reindeer break wind, and these eye-watering whizpoppers cause Santa no end of distress as he’s trying to read his satnav map in the sleigh.
‘On the upside they help the reindeer stay alert, but the sugar rush never lasts and they end up being exhausted and pooped out for January and February,’ Mr Snowbottom said.
The crisis, combined with a new get-fit regime brought in by Mrs Claus, for Santa, means Santa and the reindeer will need more food than ever when they arrive at Wicklow houses this year.
‘This is an elfin disaster. Please be sure to have carrots for the reindeers and plenty of milk and cookies for Santa.’
Emergency services will be on high alert across County Wicklow from midnight on Christmas Eve until 4 a.m. on Christmas morning as the Man in Red arrives into the county having flown in his new high powered Wormhole sleigh, which can zoom through the sky at a trillion miles a second.
The new sleigh is a prototype the elves have been working on since the summer. It features present catching hooks and the latest in GPS present tracking technology, in case any of the millions of presents somehow fall through the side of the sleigh when Santa Claus is hurrying to jump down chimneys on rooftops across the world.
Speedboats, RNLI vessels and the Rescue 116 Helicopter are the only vessels allowed by Santa along the wild Wicklow coastline this Christmas Eve and Christmas Day morning.
Firemen across the county will be awake all night in case Santa comes down a chimney with a roaring hot fire that a Mommy or Daddy forgot about. Last year, Mrs Claus had to sew up his pants after he burned his underpants in a chimney in Ashford and he doesn’t want a repeat of that embarrassing incident as firemen had to hose him until his bum got cool.
Meanwhile, the WSPCA has been in touch with animal welfare groups around the county and recruited a top team of volunteers – who have undergone specialist training in untangling reindeer tails and clearing reindeer hooves of slippy ice – who will be busy driving motorised, sparkly sleighs around the towns, villages and fields of the county in case they are needed.
Wicklow Civil Defence and Coast Guard volunteers will also be on standby checking fields and ditches on what is expected to be a bitterly cold night, in case any of the buffeting, strong winds blow presents from the rooftops.
In a break from previous years, Santa has decided to change his route around Ireland this Christmas Eve and Christmas morning.
Usually he enters Ireland using Hook Lighthouse in Wexford to guide him in and then heads north to the Garden County. However, this year, he is expected to head on to Waterford and up through the rest of the country, leaving County Wicklow until last – but for a very good reason.
Rudolph and Blitzen have been in touch with their deer cousins Red and Fluffy Tail in the Wicklow Mountains during the year and they are hoping to stop off at the lake in Glendalough (using the ancient tower to help guide them into the right position) for a short family reunion before they continue on their magical journey.
Passing over the Dublin border near Tallaght, the sleigh will take a u-shaped route through Co Wicklow – first visiting the Blessington and Baltinglass areas and then swinging around through Carnew and Tinahely before heading up the east coast through Arklow, Rathdrum, Wicklow, Roundwood, Newtownmountkennedy, Greystones and, finally, Bray.
If they are making good time, Santa is hoping to stop off in Avoca to take a selfie outside Fitzgerald’s, as Mrs Claus is a huge fan of ‘Ballykissangel’.
In case of heavy fog, the Glen of Imaal Mountain Rescue and Dublin Wicklow Mountain Rescue teams have agreed to scale the Great Sugarloaf and Bray Head with flares to help guide Santa into Bray before he leaves Ireland and begins his journey across the Irish Sea to Wales.
Children are urged to keep a five-foot area around the Christmas tree free from sweet wrappers and toys in case Santa injures himself and to help their Mommies and Daddies by going to bed early.
The Elf on the Shelf has been travelling to the North Pole every night and has been telling Santa Claus about how good all children in County Wicklow have been and Santa can’t wait to deliver their special presents to them.
He will be keeping in touch with the Elf spy though a mobile elf phone that is hidden near the chimney tops.
‘I am hearing good things. Keep up the good work! I am so proud of the children of County Wicklow this year and I wish them and their families a very happy and healthy Christmas and a fantastic 2017,’ Santa said, through an elf express email issued to People Newspapers.
SANTA WILL BE LEAVING THE GARDEN COUNTY UNTIL LAST THIS YEAR SO THAT SOME OF HIS REINDEER CAN MEET THEIR FAMILY IN THE WICKLOW MOUNTAINS