The Jerusalem Post - The Jerusalem Post Magazine
33 random minor frustrations
As war and antisemitism continue to rage around us, I thought we could all use a break from the big, life-threatening issues. So, here’s a list of random, minor annoyances that are amusing in their triviality but are nevertheless exasperating. With a little help from friends on social media.
1. People who watch videos on their smart phones in public places without wearing headphones. (This was repeated by so many people that I had to place it in the top spot.) Other phone frustrations: individuals who conduct loud – and often intimate – conversations on their phones in public.
2. People who jaywalk while talking on their phones. Even worse: cars that try to pass my car when I’m stopped to let someone (talking on his or her phone) cross, and they nearly run over said pedestrian.
3. Drivers not using their blinkers. (Do they teach Israelis that flipping on the turn signal drains the battery?)
4. Treating the lines designating a parking spot as a suggestion. Parking on the sidewalk.
5. We have a cleaner who comes once a week. He consistently swaps the locations of my and my wife’s towels in the bathroom. I’d complain, but he understands very little English.
6. When I’m at the hospital for cancer treatments, the lovely volunteers from Ezer Mizion come around in the morning with free snacks, which I always look forward to. But everything they offer is so unhealthy: sugary drinks, crunchy Bisli, store-bought cakes, cheap chocolate. Fortunately, then comes my favorite: the Aldo ice cream truck that pops by periodically.
7. People who don’t lock the door to a public restroom. Without the “red” indicator that the stall is busy, I will invariably try pushing it open, only to be yelled at by the occupant.
8. After getting wet in the shower, discovering there are only two tiny slivers of soap left.
9. Downward Dog. Why are yoga teachers so in love with this position? Give us more Extended Child’s Pose, please!
10. Israel: Restaurants that don’t bring the bill until you’re
Telemarketers: ‘Can you hold for a moment?’ Goodbye.
forced to ask. US: Restaurants that bring the bill before you’ve even finished eating.
11. Just as you’re about to nod off to sleep, hearing a mosquito buzzing around your head.
12. People who pop gum or chew loudly with their mouths open.
13. With most Israeli post offices no longer offering pickup, your package gets sent to a mini-market on the other side of town. You get there, and it’s a form letter that could just as easily have been sent by email.
14. Telemarketers who call and then immediately ask, “Can you hold for a moment?” Goodbye.
15. People who don’t clean up after their dogs. That raises a theological question: If your dog poops in the bushes at night and you can’t see it, is it batel b’shishim – the Jewish law concept that if you drop some milk in the chicken soup, it’s okay as long as it’s only 1/60th of the total liquid – and therefore you don’t have to go on a mad search in the dark for it?
16. Unsubscribe buttons that don’t do anything to unsubscribe you.
17. People who talk during movies. Corollary: People who text during movies. (The glowing light drives me nuts.)
18. You’re so excited that the seat in front of you at an event is not occupied, and then a very tall person – wearing a hat – sits in it.
19. Cars that insist on hogging the left lane on the highway while driving at a snail’s pace. People who stand on the left when riding an escalator. Cars parked on the sidewalk.
20. People who ask on online foodie groups for restaurants “with a good hechsher [kosher certificate].”
21. Construction – it’s everywhere and never-ending. Does anyone still respect “quiet hours”? (Maybe this one isn’t so minor after all.)
22. The recorded music that blasts from the ultra-Orthodox neighborhoods in Jerusalem to announce the start of Shabbat. Just bring back the old-fashioned siren. (Is that too triggering now post Oct. 7?) Or play some Ehud Banai or Idan Raichel!
23. Ghosting, whether that’s a potential romantic partner who’s just gone radio silent or a writer waiting for an answer from an editor who could send a quick “not interested” message but instead just vanishes.
24. Getting to the bottom of the pita and discovering there’s just tehina and vegetables but no more falafel balls.
25. Restaurants that blast music so loud you can’t have a conversation. You ask them to turn it down. They humor you for a few minutes, then it’s back to the previous level.
26. People who ask you something they could have just as quickly looked up on Google.
27. Masseuses who don’t listen but just do what they want.
28. Dings – was that my phone or yours? Was it WhatsApp, an incoming email, a Duolingo reminder? Is it coming from the laptop? The iPad?
29. Showing up to the house of an immunosuppressed cancer sufferer like me when you have a cough or runny nose and saying, “It’s probably just allergies.”
30. Deodorant – or, rather, the lack thereof.
31. Every gas station in Israel seems to have a different interface. Do you swipe your credit card first or only after inserting the nozzle? And how about some instructions in English?
32. The “Please confirm” text messages when you have an appointment. It promotes efficiency, for sure, but do I need to get the same message by email, WhatsApp, SMS, and then an automated voice reminder?
33. And per Alanis Morissette: Rain on your wedding day. Or a free ride when you’ve already paid.
The writer’s book Totaled: The Billion-Dollar Crash of the Startup that Took on Big Auto, Big Oil and the World is available on Amazon and other online booksellers. brianblum.com