America: It’s time to start hating Canada

KWANDONG, South Korea – Brianna Decker blasted a puck off the post and Hilary Knight missed a wide open net and the game ended with the United States losing again, and I am telling you, my fellow Americans, that it is time. Time to start hating Canadians. Time to work up a good loathing for the people who brought you maple syrup, Williams Shatner and (this is true) the game of Trivial Pursuit.

No, this will not be easy or as much fun as hating Russia or East Germany. But we work with what we’ve got. And what we’ve got is a Canadian women’s hockey team that hasn’t lost an Olympic game since 1998, that has won the last four gold medals, that won the last four games against the United States heading into this Olympics and that defeated the United States again Thursday, 2-1.

So when I tried to ask United States coach Robb Stauber if were frustrated, he didn’t even let me get the complete question out. “Are you fr... NO! NOPE! NO!” In other words, yes, yep, yes. Of course they are frustrated. Who wouldn’t be frustrated?

The United States has won seven of the last eight World Championships. When nobody gives a flip. Then along comes the Olympics, and it’s competition of a different, um, color.

Canada defeated the United States for the gold medal in Salt Lake City, 5-2. Canada defeated the United States for the gold medal in Vancouver, 2-0. Canada defeated the United States for the gold medal in Sochi, 3-2.

True enough, Canada did not defeat the United States for the gold medal in Turin, but that’s only because Sweden knocked the United States out of the tournament first.

So Thursday’s preliminary-round game may have been technically meaningless but it didn’t feel psychologically meaningless, not given the history of these two teams.

What happened? What always seems to happen. Canada won and the United States lost. It didn’t matter that the United States outshot Canada 45-23. It didn’t matter that United States forward Jocelyne Lamoureux-Davidson was awarded a penalty shot.

“I’ve seen that move on Youtube,” said Lamoureux-Davidson, describing her failed attempt. “I’ve done it to our goalies a couple times.”

Our goalies are evidently not Canadian goalies. You could start hating them, too.

Thursday’s Canadian goalie was Genevieve Lacasse, who stopped 44 of 45 shots and then dismissed it as no big deal.

“They got a lot of shots but not necessarily a lot of quality ones,” she said.

OK, but how about the three shots that clanged off the post?

“I think most of them hit the outside of the post.”

Insufferable, isn’t she? Just like the entire Canadian team. And I don’t actually believe that, but in circumstances like these you tell yourself what you must.

Just like Stauber, honestly, who was telling himself that his team will win the next time because it’s only fair.

“We expect a reward for our effort and our honesty and sticking to our game plan,” he said.

I expect that effort and honesty don’t always carry the day when dastardly Canadians are involved

They helped burn the White House, you know. Back in 1814. And they invented Canadian bacon. And they live longer, happier lives than we do.

So by all means, hate the Canadians. The nicer Red Machine.

“We’ve just got to get ’em next time,” said Meghan Duggan.

Or try again in four more years.

Shiffrin’s gold may be just the start

The Pyeongchang Olympics are about to get Shiffrolled.

The first gold medal of these Games was always going to be the hardest for Mikaela Shiffrin, and the blustery winds that wreaked havoc with the schedule did nothing to help. Now that she has one gold, however, expect more to follow.

“It’s been a mental strain the last couple of days, thinking we were going to race and then not racing,” she said Thursday, after winning gold in the giant slalom. “Now we got the ball rolling.”

When Shiffrin said four years ago that she wanted to win five golds here, it was written off as a joke or the exuberance of an 18-yearold who had just won her first Olympic title. But the American has become the best allaround skier in the world since then.

She won’t get five, for the simple fact that the compressed schedule will force her to skip the Super-G on Saturday. But she can still make history. Bode Miller is the only American to win three medals at one Olympics, claiming the gold in combined, a silver in Super-G and a bronze in the downhill in Vancouver. He also holds the US record for overall Olympic medals with five, having won silvers in combined and GS in Salt Lake City.

With Shifrin rolling, both of those marks are in serious jeopardy.