DRESS TO IMPRESS
Make sure you look elegant. Everyone will be there! Alright then. A kilt, a tiger-striped sweater, a stretchy blue sequined dress – which was a bit long for her 1.5-metre stature – and a fringed trouser suit. There they were, strewn on the bed: the bargains from the last sale. The ones she could still squeeze into. Lately, her bra size had swollen to a 42 DD and her waistline had thrown in the towel. She hadn’t had time to buy a dress for the wedding.The public prosecutor’s office in Matera had been in turmoil for days due to the “Clean Sassi” operation, and she was the toughest deputy prosecutor in Central and Southern Italy. “What do you think?” inquired Dr. Tataranni, a.k.a Imma, addressing her husband. “Original...” ventured the poor man who, between his mother, wife and daughter, felt like the classic earthen pot in Aesop’s fable.
Pietro was gussied up in a designer suit that his mother had bought him, as if he were a 14-year-old boy, with a crooked bow tie and a shirt collar that was a bit too high. He seemed slightly flushed that morning as he gazed at Imma reflected in the mirror, watching her trying on different outfits teetering on double platform shoes. Stuffed into polka-dot leggings that she had pulled out of the closet and paired with a tight crystal-studded sweater, the sight of his wife suddenly gave him the impression of a freshly caught tuna. Appetising. Hmmm.
After more than a month of dead calm, it happened, right there among the clothes scattered on the bed, at the risk of arriving late and wrinkling the Anna Cecere Boutique suit. An hour later, as they were putting their clothes back on, the phone rang for the eighth time. It was Mrs. de Ruggeri, who wanted to know what her daughter-in-law had decided to wear. They couldn’t risk cutting a poor figure with the guests from Milan.
“Everything’s fine, mother,” replied Pietro with noncommittal diplomacy, anxiously adjusting his bow tie.
“Exactly,” said his wife, taking the phone from him.“People are ridiculous when they try to look different from what they are.”
She hung up and threw her husband a knowing look as their daughter arrived. Valentina was almost 15 and looked impeccable.
“What are you wearing?!” she exclaimed rolling her eyes. “Elegance is subjective, at the end of the day,” her father mumbled, staring at the fake silver ostrich boa that Imma was arranging around her neck to complete her outfit. After a perilous silence they all burst out laughing.
“It’s like happiness – you can’t buy it,” concluded Dr. Tataranni.The three of them then plucked up their courage and left for the wedding. Mariolina Venezia ( born in Matera, 1961) currently lives in Rome. In 2007 she won the Premio Campiello with her book
Been Here a Thousand Years. She has since written a series of detective novels centred on the character of public prosecutor Imma Tataranni, titled Come piante tra i sassi, Maltempo and most recently Rione Serra Venerdì ( Einaudi).