Monogamy challenge

Beshrew your eyes,

They have o’erlooked me and divided me,

One half of me is yours, the other half yoursmine own I would say, but if mine, then yours,

And so all yours.

Shakespeare, The Merchant of Venice

I would not wish any companion In the world, but you.

Shakespeare, The Tempest

All those lyrics in the quotes above point to one thing and one thing only, that the man saying those words has eyes for only one person. Not only does he have eyes for his partner, but other body parts as well.

To wit, he will be faithful to that woman for as long as he lives, until death do they part. What’s his is hers and nobody else will partake. He will have sex with no other person honest, cross his heart and hope to die, as the ditty goes.

But there’s many a slip between the cup and the lip, and many lips may slip because the cup runneth over. Yes, my friends, mout mek fi talk, and many people promise and profess monogamy but fail to deliver as they fall short when it comes to the application.

What is monogamy anyway? Well, it’s the act of sticking to one partner, not having sex with anybody else, being faithful, not stepping outta street to link up with smaddy else. A very simple theoretical proposal but one which can prove to be most challenging.

The monogamy challenge, that’s where we’ll be heading today, right after these retorts to ‘Pleasure is sin’.

Hi Tony,

It seems that man cannot live without sin, as it appears that any form of pleasure is sinful. Can anyone go through life without experiencing some form of pleasure? No. I find pleasure in a delicious meal with a glass of pairing wine. I love pastries, pies, patties, and most of all, I love sex. I may fantasize licking whipped cream and cherries off a naked woman’s body before having intercourse with her. So much pleasure and countless sins. Heaven help us all.

Adam

Teerob,

The very fact that it’s a pleasure means that it’s a sin. All this was decreed by the churches that don’t want us to enjoy earthly pleasures. Their theory is that all pleasure is in heaven. Such hypocrisy, when the very clerics who decree pleasures as sin are enjoying and indulging in them.

Barnabas

I saw a video recently where this lady, yes a lady, explained in great detail that monogamy was a western concept that is alien to people of the black race. She expounded that back in Africa men were used to having more than one woman, wife; having many concubines, females at their pleasure. That was the norm.

It wasn’t until we were taken to the western world that the concept of monogamy was thrust down our throats, a concept that we were not conditioned to accept or exist in, and which proved to be a challenge to us.

This has been a struggle ever since, and that’s where the monogamy challenge comes in. You’ve heard of the Ice Bucket Challenge, where a bucket of freezing water and ice is poured over your head. Well, the monogamy challenge can be just as cold and shocking.

Even now in parts of Africa a man is entitled to have more than one woman, as long as he can afford to maintain them properly. He may have three, five, 10, or even 20 wives, as long as he can provide for them all.

That last part is very important, for it seems as if even though the genetic lineage of polygamy still courses through the veins of many men in our society, the providing for part didn’t reach them, as they cannot properly afford to keep more than one woman.

In fact, many of them can’t even afford to keep one, so they flit from one to the other, using their lyrics as their currency. But after a while, even that runs out too. By moving around they indulge in a sort of sequential monogamy. “Baby, I’ll deal with you and only you (until I move on to another)”. It’s akin to prisoners serving sentences consecutively instead of concurrently.

That being said, men who can afford it, and have the means and the wherewithal to juggle different women, do manage to have several relationships running concurrently, at the same time, side by side, in the same time zone. You get the picture.

The lady in the video said that these men are not to be blamed, for it’s a result of genetics, the genealogical history of men having more than one woman, honed and perfected by our ancestors. In other words, they just cannot help it as they are directed by centuries of polygamous conditioning.

No wonder when men are caught straying their response often is, “Baby I just couldn’t help myself; it’s as if something drove me to do it.” And it wasn’t the devil either, but centuries of sexual conditioning. It’s in their genes.

She continued to say that this forced and unnatural monogamy gave rise to negative concepts such as jealousy and envy. “When a man has multiple wives, they are not jealous or envious of each other.” But when the idea is postulated that a man should only have one woman, then that is ingrained in the female’s mind and she develops anger, hate, angst, bad feelings when the man takes another woman.

In effect, it’s when this concept of monogamy is forced upon people that it’s perceived as the norm, making the women have feelings of jealousy to the point of doing the other woman harm. I’m sure that kings, princes, sultans, chiefs who have many wives do not suffer from being nagged by those women because of jealousy.

Even in the Bible there are stories of great men having many wives and concubines. Among them are David and Solomon who were reputed to have hundreds of wives. They were very wise men. The fact is, monogamy has failed and only exists in the illusory minds of some idealistic, holier-than-thou people.

Monogamy means having only one partner, one person that you’re having sex with, but I am here to tell you that based on the statistics of cheating, it is a failed experiment. It is very few men who have had only one woman all of their lives. Now I have you thinking.

Most men have had a series of relationships before they settle down with that special woman. And even when they settle down, it’s a challenge. They look, they leer, they wonder and think about other women. What if? If monogamy was natural, that wouldn’t happen.

Other men have women here there and everywhere, and that’s where the mistress, the matey, the concubine, the other woman comes into play. There are men who even have two families at the same time, and that’s why the lady in the video concluded that the concept of monogamy is flawed. “All that it does is breed lies and hypocrisy,” she went on to say.

If people were honest and accepted that monogamy was unnatural, then all this running around and heartache would cease. Just look around and you’ll see how many men have multiple women, children all over the place, or women who do the same, then refute what the lady is saying in the video.

Listen, even if you’re heavily involved or married and are faithful to your spouse, the thoughts of straying, even one little, itty bitty, teeny tiny bit will pass through your mind. Whether you act upon it is another matter, and therein lies the monogamy challenge. “My mind says yes, do it, but my conscience says no. What a challenge.”

If monogamy was natural men would not cheat on their wives and neither would wives cheat on their men. If monogamy was natural, men would not have lurid, lascivious, leering thoughts about other women, wouldn’t lust, wouldn’t drool, wouldn’t fantasize.

If monogamy was natural, wives wouldn’t sneak around and have affairs with other men, not even once. ‘Joe Grine’ would be put out of business. The prospect of meeting one person early in your life, getting involved and living the rest of your years with them must be a daunting one. As one lady said once, “You mean to say that his is the only penis I will ever know?” Maybe that’s why some people sow their wild oats before they get married by having bachelor parties or hen parties. “I have to have one last fling before I settle down with one p…m p…m.”

That being said, most people do remain monogamous after they settle down. But the fact remains, they had their fun before they got married. But now, even though they’re married, the thoughts do swirl around their minds on occasion. Even parsons have non-monogamous thoughts when they’re ministering unto women. Such is the monogamy challenge.

One thing is true though, monogamy often deprives men of sex, for when the wife denies him, he has nowhere else to go. More time. seido1yard@gmail.com

Footnote: Maria Theresa Sanchez was a Cuban lady who made Jamaica her home decades ago. She was my friend and a friend of my family. Maria was a vibrant part of the Latino community who integrated herself into the Jamaican society and was also very accomplished, being fluent in several languages. She lectured at Northern Caribbean University and recently got her PHD in Brazil. She, along with Martha Corbett Baugh, was instrumental in arranging several karate tournaments in Cuba where many friendships were forged. Maria was always smiling, and it was because of her influence why I learned Spanish. Sadly, Maria passed away a few weeks ago after a brief illness. May she rest in peace. Dios te Bendiga, Maria.