The aggravation of oversharing

YOUR relationship can feel cold, boring and lonely if your partner is not very open. They are always ‘okay’ and their day was always ‘good’. They hardly ever mention when something of note happens, even when you can sense that something is happening. You yearn for them to just open up and share their life with you — the good, the bad and the ugly.

But while many people long for their spouses to be more open with them, there are still many more who value privacy above all else, even when it comes to their partner. These folks often wish they were not so deeply embroiled in their partners’ personal affairs.

Akeem, 29, graphic artist:

It’s not that I mind listening to her, but I don’t think I need to hear every detail of her friends’ relationships. I know every time her bestie and her man have an argument, or when they fight. I just think it’s too much, and it causes me to think they also know every little thing that happens between us, and I am not comfortable with that.

Lennox, 29, business owner:

The pastor said we should be open and honest with each other, but I don’t think he meant as literally as my wife takes it. She shares details of everything grooming related, including, for example, the intricacies of how she has to position herself on the table in front of the aesthetician to get her Brazillian wax done. She doesn’t stop there either. She details visits to the gynaecologist, and I mean every single detail — she tells me what’s going on down there, and will even force me to take a look and analyse when she thinks there’s something off.

Richard, 27, construction worker:

This ex of mine would just randomly volunteer details of her previous love life, even when I asked her not to. She would tell me all the kinky stuff that she had done and what she was into — including orgies and all the things that are taboo to even the most liberal person. It was just too much for me, and I had to tell her that we would not work out.

Alicia, 25, PR officer:

I had an ex who wanted to be up in my business too much. It was so annoying, because he would call me around the clock. At first it felt sweet, like he cared, but then it started feeling like I was under surveillance. He wanted to know what I ate, what I wore to work everyday, when I left the office, when I got paid, when I visited my friends, everything… And this was before we were even three months in. He was so annoying. I had to run for the hills.

Jason, 33, army captain:

My wife saw some meme or something about couples sharing everything if they are in love, and that put the thought into her head that if I loved her, I wouldn’t mind certain things, like having deep discussions in the bathroom. But who wants to have a serious discussion if she’s on the toilet doing number two? I told her that that’s too close for comfort, and there are certain things that should remain personal and private.