What men fear

The cuckoo then, on every tree,

Mocks married men, for thus sings he,

Cuckoo, cuckoo, cuckoo, a word of fear,

Unpleasing to a married ear. Shakespeare

Is that ominous news for married men? That bird, the cuckoo, can certainly mock the married man, and that’s why a man whose wife cheats on him, gives him bun, is called a cuckold, taken from the name cuckoo. That’s because the cuckoo is notorious for moving into the nest of other birds, taking up residence, then cackling incessantly to boast of his conquest.

That’s pretty much what happens to a man whose wife cheats on him, he’s cuckolded. So that mocking song of the cuckoo is most unpleasing to the married ear as the quote above says, and brings more than a word of fear.

What is fear, though? They say that there is nothing to fear but fear itself. They also say that being brave is not the absence of fear, being brave is having that fear but finding a way through it.

But all those fanciful and erudite sayings about fear don’t mean squat if the fear is overwhelming, and therein lies the problem, for sometimes fear is so great that some people are petrified and just turn fool-fool. Plus, fear is not absolute, but relative, as it affects different people in different ways.

Everyone fears something, although many people mask and hide it very well, but men do have different fears than women. That, I fear, is my dissertation today, right after we see what these readers had to say about my take on ‘Time management’.

Hi Tony,

You are so right about time management. Early in my business career I took a course in that subject. The important thing about time management was to list the tasks that needed to be accomplished each day in primary order, leaving time for adjustments. Any task that I was unable to complete was added to next day’s list. If it was still a priority, I applied this method to my nine-to-five workday five days a week, ensuring that I had time for personal things and family after 5:00 pm and on weekends. sheldon

Teerob,

This whole time management boils down to one and only one thing — self-discipline. The person who does not manage time properly is also very slack in other areas of their lives. They never seem to accomplish anything, are always late for appointments, generally unreliable and also can’t manage their money or personal relationships. There is a definite pattern, as a lack of time management comes with chaos and disorganisation. Milton

Fear is universal and everyone at one time or another feels it, as it’s a natural part of the human condition that makes our adrenaline flow and gives us the impetus to fight or flee.

When it comes to men, though, they fear things differently from women. Ask a woman what she fears and you may hear:

“Not being able to have children.”

“Not getting married.” “A lump in my breast.”

Ask a man, though, and you’ll hear a slew of different things with perhaps none in common with what a woman fears. Ironically, most of these fears involve women. Maybe the biggest fear of a man is his inability to perform sexually. Yes, that may rank way above other fears, including the fear of death itself. If a man cannot rise to the occasion to please his woman or women, he feels as if he’s less that a man.

“If mi can’t drop it hard might as well mi dead, boss.”

This fear is exacerbated if the man is young and seemingly virile, and the woman is also young, nubile and vibrant, but he can’t perform. So much so that some men will choose death before dishonour because of this fear. Many men will refuse to take medication for high blood pressure because of the fear that it will kill their nature.

Now, that’s taking the term death before dishonour to a literal conclusion. That fear of impotence is so overarching and overriding that many men would rather suffer the consequences of hypertension, which includes dying, rather than suffer that fate. Just an aside, but I bet that if it’s proven that COVID-19 causes impotence, every man in Jamaica would take the vaccine.

Another fear is the dreaded physical prostate examination, where the doctor inserts a gloved finger into the rectum of the man to examine the prostate. That’s a huge fear that many straight men harbour and refuse to take that invasive procedure. Interestingly, it was just last week that I read a report from an eminent doctor who said that dreaded examination is not necessary, as the PSA blood test is more accurate.

Another fear that men harbour is that of losing their woman to another man, which takes us right back to that quote earlier on about the cuckoo and being cuckolded. That fear must rank almost as high as the fear of impotence. It’s not just the fear of losing the woman, but the fear of losing her to another man.

If she were to leave him for another woman, which caught a good friend of mine years ago, it would be bad and not so bad, but to leave him for another man is just too much to bear. That’s because men are competitive and egocentric, so the thought of another man doing things to his woman that he could only dream of, would drive him stir crazy.

“If she left me for a woman it wouldn’t be so bad, heck, I’d even ask for a threesome, but I just couldn’t imagine her leaving me for that young, muscular stud, I’d go crazy.” This goes hand-in-glove with the fear that a man has regarding his woman bearing a child for another man and passing it off as his The dreaded jacket. That fear of being jacketed must rest on the minds of many men, even though they may not verbalise it.

And yet, despite this fear, it still occurs so often. They say that what you fear the most will certainly befall you, and so it is for many men. That fear of jacket is realised often, now much more with the advent of DNA testing.

“Bwoy, the one thing Peter fear ketch him, his wife not only give him bun, she give him jacket too.”

Now, those are the big fears that men experience, so pervasive that they may lead to death, suicide, murder/suicide. But there are other silent fears that men harbour, one being rejection. That’s right, rejection. They say that hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, but a man who is rejected can feel just as devastated. A man’s fear is that his woman no longer wants him.

“What if I get sick and she no longer wants me?”

Then there is the fear of failure, which often hangs like the sword of Damocles over the man’s head. Again, these fears are hinged on the acceptance or rejection by a woman, for if he’s a failure, she’ll reject him, and if she rejects him his life has no meaning.

Tie this in with the fear of having no money and men have so much to worry about. There are so many successful men who constantly harbour deep apprehensions about losing it all, so they work round the clock to maintain what they have achieved. Having money means power, and power attracts women. See the equation? To compensate for this fear, these men constantly shower the women with money, for in his mind, that will keep her.

Then there is the fear of growing old and not being attractive to women anymore. Women tend to grow old and accept that fate with grace and dignity, well most do, but for many men, it’s worse than a death sentence.

“I’m old and pop down now, nuh woman nuh want me anymore.”

To grow old means a loss of independence, a loss of relevance, a loss of good health, vim and vigour. Most of all, growing old brings a loss of libido, loss of nature, not being able to perform, no longer able to stand tall in the saddle and ride like he used to.

Then there is the fear of being laughed at by women. Being ridiculed by a woman is a very real fear that most men harbour. If it does happen, especially in public, the results can be devastating, for having lost face he may lash out with terrible results.

This fear may reach its zenith if the woman ridicules his manhood or sexuality. Not only is he perceived as being too small, she also mocks his inability to perform sexually.

It seems as if men’s greatest fears aren’t physical, but more emotional, always have to do with his penis, and always involve a woman. No wonder so many men are so stressed. More time. seido1yard@gmail.com

Footnote: Speaking of fears about male penile problems, what this pandemic has brought to the surface is the myriad health issues that afflict so many people. Because so many COVID-19 patients are taking up bed space, people with other health problems are being deprived of medical care. They are placed low on the priority list of hospitals as it seems as if corona is the only game in town. You are in deep trouble if you have a relatively ‘minor’ condition as hospital beds are taken up by COVID patients. Our health is all we have and everything else is secondary. Less corona victims, the quicker our health care system can get back to normal.