Long sufferation

We suffer a lot,

The things we lack

And we enjoy too little,

The many things we have.

— Shakespeare

IT seems as if man was made to suffer, and when I say man, I don’t just mean the male of the species, but mankind in general, for women suffer too. Lord how they suffer, and you never hear the end of it. In fact, if you speak with some women you’d think that they have a monopoly on suffering, as they constantly complain how hard their lives are.

“Oh, women really have it hard, always suffering, while you men have it so easy.”

Ah yes, as far as some women are concerned, men have no worries at all, no stress, no gripes, no complaints.

Who am I to argue, for some women do tend to think that they were put on this Earth to bear the burden of all of mankind, and actually revel in the role of self-appointed and self-inflicted sufferation.

Yes, I said it, sufferation, not a real word, but it certainly captures and highlights the gist of what I mean, as it really paints a picture…sufferation. As language evolves, don’t be surprised if it soon becomes a legitimate word in our lexicon.

But are women correct to think that way? After all, history and even modern times have shown how many women have suffered under the yoke of brutal, selfish, uncaring men. That is true. What is also true, and truly mystifying, is why those women remain immersed in the pool of sufferation and do not find a way out.

We’ll explore that phenomenon, right after we see what these readers had to say about my take on ‘Possession’.

Hi Tony,

As you stated, many women are possessed because they want to feel needed or wanted. There are women, some with kids, who realise that they are possessed, but are trapped and cannot leave the relationship for fear of being beaten or killed. If children are involved, they, too, may be beaten. Thank heaven that there are shelters for the abused, where the women, and those with kids, can seek refuge, should they decide to bravely take the step and leave.

Susan

Teerob,

Yu can stan deh, women want to be possessed and love it when a man takes them under his control. They feel protected, safe, and even if they don’t feel loved, that feeling of security is what keeps them grounded and beholden to the man. Give a woman too much free rein and she will wander out of the corral.

Owen

What is the true meaning of suffering? ‘Distress, misery, agony, the state of being in great trouble. Distress, an external and usually temporary cause of great physical and mental strain and stress.’

It does sound quite ominous and depressing doesn’t it, and is a state that no one should like to be immersed in or get comfortable with. But irony of ironies, that’s exactly what some people choose to do: get comfortable with the sufferation until it becomes a way of life for them. In fact, they identify with and are almost proud to declare that they are long-suffering.

Many people have suffered at the hands of others in this cruel and unforgiving world, and there have been many bullies who have imposed so much suffering on others that their names and deeds have gone down in infamy.

There was the Marquis De Sade, who inflicted so much cruelty, pain, and suffering on his victims that his name gave rise to the term ‘sadistic’. And there was King Tantalus, who would torment his victims by locking them in jail cells and leaving food and drink outside, just beyond the reach of the tormented souls. He gave rise to the term ‘tantalising’.

But those were famous, or should I say infamous men who stamped their names on the annals of human suffering, with pain not of the making of the victims.

What about those people who choose to remain in the damnation and tortuous suffering inflicted upon them but simply refuse to free themselves?

“The door is open, you are free to go.” “No, I prefer to stay here and suffer, at least I’ll stick to the evil I know.”

There are more of those than you’d dare to imagine, and I daresay, I have to almost concur with the women who profess that women were born to suffer, as I have seen and heard so many cases that I cannot discount or refute what they are saying.

And yet, I keep on asking the same question: Why do they stay? Take the case of this woman who’s married for many years, yet her husband treats her like the proverbial doormat. He’s a serial cheater and flaunts his philandering ways in her face with absolutely no respect for her whatsoever.

He simply does not care, and has lost all respect for her and the marriage, as he sleeps out whenever he feels like and doesn’t even hide his other women as he chats to them in the presence of his long-suffering, beleaguered wife.

This has been going on for many years, and she complains bitterly but refuses to do anything about her situation. Truth be told, her story is not uncommon or unfamiliar, but in many other cases that I know of, the women find an escape clause and leave the relationship.

Those who don’t leave, seek solace in the arms of another man, to compensate for the ill treatment that they’re getting at home. But like I said, there are some women who still remain faithful to the cause, and wear their sufferation like a badge of honour.

Even after all the ill treatment, if the man happens to get sick, she will be the one tending to his needs until he recovers and resumes his bad ways. Then she says, “See, I’m a good wife.”

I have learned never to advise anyone to leave their relationship, no matter how bad it may seem, for those same long-suffering women will turn around and cuss you, or even tell their husband what advice you gave them. As the old saying goes, “When two head touch pon pillow, nuff talking go on.”

What I will do though, is ask the question, “Why do you stay?” The response usually is, “I took my marriage vows which said ‘For better or for worse’; ‘Until death do us part’.”

In other instances, they state that the Church advised them not to leave the matrimonial home, no matter what, but stick it out, endure the sufferation, for it’s the Christian way.

In many cases there is no physical violence, so there is no tangible evidence, no marks or bruises to indicate that there is sufferation, but sometimes the mental and emotional anguish is 10 times worse. And yet they stay.

“Well, at least he doesn’t hit me, so it’s not so bad.”

“I stay because of the children.”

“If I left, he would cut me off financially.”

“I still think that there is a shred of hope to save the marriage.”

“I care about his welfare and pray for him.”

All those and more out of the mouths of long-suffering women who justify their inaction as they endure a lifetime of misery and sufferation. Maybe there’s some philosophical justification in all this.

“To live is to suffer, to survive is to find some meaning to the suffering.”

— Friedrich Nietzsche

“When the suffering of another creature causes you to feel pain, do not submit to the initial desire to flee from the suffering one, but on the contrary, come closer, as close as you can to her who suffers, and try to help her.” — Leo Tolstoy.

It’s very interesting that Tolstoy referred to ‘her’ and not ‘him’. Maybe those women do have a case about their perennial sufferation. Historically, one could easily say that women of the past had to endure long sufferation because they had little choices, they were stayat-home wives, or women of little financial means and independence. They had nowhere to go.

But in this modern world, where many women are highly educated, financially elevated and independent, they still choose to be victims of long-term sufferation. It doesn’t matter their station or profession — teacher, lawyer, academic, business woman, CEO — they remain and suffer with a self-imposed tether.

On the other side of the dungeon, do men endure sufferation too? Of course not, as far as many women think. I remember once speaking to a man’s wife on his behalf about his emotional sufferation and she promptly dismissed it with a casual, disdainful wave, saying, “What does he have to be complaining about? Get out of my office.”

That’s why me nuh get involve inna people suffaration bizness.

More time. seido1yard@gmail.com

Footnote: Bob Marley is currently making waves worldwide due to the current biopic, One Love, that has patrons buzzing with excitement. Over the years there have been many calls to have Bob conferred a national hero. I endorse that sentiment. Bob’s name has resonated throughout the world for many years, reaching places that some people don’t even know of. His songs have been adopted by freedom fighters in many countries as inspiration for justice and equality. The song One Love was declared song of the century. Anywhere our people go and say that they’re Jamaican, the response invariably is… “Oh, Bob Marley.” I have been to deep rural Italy, Japan, Europe, and the response to my nationality always is, “Ahhhh, Bob Marley,” even though they don’t even know where Jamaica is. No other Jamaican in our colourful history has had such a profound impact on the world. Miss Lou is next on my list.