My plea to Hur­ri­cane Matthew

Jamaica Gleaner - - OPINION&COMMENTARY -

THE ED­I­TOR, Sir: DEAR MATTHEW, I know you want to come to Jamaica to con­duct busi­ness and see how pros­per­ity is work­ing out. I know you are hes­i­tat­ing be­cause of all the re­cent vi­o­lence, and you don’t want the gun­men shoot out yuh one eye.

I re­alise that you are try­ing to walk in the foot­steps of your grand­fa­ther Gil­bert, your un­cle Ivan, and your fa­ther Felix. But your daddy didn’t come and tor­ment us, so it would be nice if you did the same.

Your mother Ka­t­rina did a lot to other coun­tries, but she went by Jamaica. I hope they taught you well and that you will by­pass Jamaica, too. But if you still de­cide on com­ing here, I want to ask you a few favours:

1. Do not blow down mi

bread­fruit trees, pear trees, ac­kee trees, etc.

2. Do not take the roof off any­body’s house and drop it in mi yard.

3. Do not de­stroy the cell tow­ers so we will not have so­cial me­dia for days.

4. If yuh tak­ing any­body, let it be the wicked ones, as they should per­ish.

5. Find all a di gun dem and wash dem out to sea.

6. When yuh pass­ing mi yard, pick off all a di co­conuts off di very tall tree.

7. Please come in the day­time hours so that wi sleep well in di night.

8. Make sure yuh don’t have any­one in hot pur­suit of you, like a baby momma or girl­friend. God knows we couldn’t take that kind a drama.

9. Do, mi a beg yuh, do tek time wid wi lit­tle is­land. We been through a lot al­ready. Matthew, I hope this let­ter reaches you in low spir­its.

DEMAR HAUGHTON

AP

A dog crosses a road in Kingston on Sun­day. Eastern Jamaica has been af­fected by oc­ca­sional heavy show­ers as­so­ci­ated with Hur­ri­cane Matthew.

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