My boyfriend is ob­sessed with sex

Jamaica Gleaner - - WELL - Dear­doc@glean­erjm.com

QDoc, I am very con­cerned about my new boyfriend. He is hand­some and charm­ing, and great com­pany. But I have never met some­one who is as ob­sessed with sex! He seems to want it morn­ing, noon and night.

To be frank, Doc­tor, he has of­ten made me very sore with his sex­ual de­mands – and I do not like that. I asked him if I couldn’t have a ‘day off’ some­times. He said that he needs to have in­ter­course ev­ery sin­gle day of the week. In fact, he kind of sug­gested that if there was a morn­ing when I couldn’t give him sex, he would look for an­other woman to keep him sat­is­fied that day.

He told me once that a doc­tor had di­ag­nosed him with some­thing called ‘hy­per­sex­u­al­ity.’ But I do not know what that is. Can you ex­plain? And can it be treated with pills? Sorry to hear about this prob­lem. The word hy­per­sex­u­al­ity just means ex­ces­sive sex­ual de­sire.

It is al­ways dif­fi­cult to de­cide when some­one’s sex­ual de­sire is ex­ces­sive be­cause peo­ple have very dif­fer­ent stan­dards about these mat­ters.

For in­stance, 60 or 70 years ago, it oc­ca­sion­ally hap­pened where judges or doc­tors de­cided that a man was sex­u­ally hy­per­ac­tive be­cause he asked his wife for sex three times a week. That would not hap­pen to­day.

But if a doc­tor has ac­tu­ally di­ag­nosed your new boyfriend as hav­ing hy­per­sex­u­al­ity, then we have to take note of that.

In­ci­den­tally, I won­der where this di­ag­no­sis took place. Was it by any chance in a prison? Has your new part­ner been in trou­ble with the law be­cause of his sex­ual de­sires?

Let us as­sume for a mo­ment that he re­ally does have hy­per­sex­u­al­ity. Can it be treated with med­i­ca­tion? The an­swer is yes – with dif­fi­culty. There are three main lines of drug treat­ment: 1. An­tide­pres­sant drugs called SSRIs. Ob­vi­ously, these pills are used to treat de­pres­sive ill­nesses. But some psy­chi­a­trists em­ploy them in order to ‘damp down’ an ex­ces­sive li­bido.

2. An­tian­dro­gens. These are med­i­ca­tions which re­duce a man’s testos­terone. Very of­ten, that may re­sult in a re­duc­tion of his sex­ual de­sire.

3. Trip­tore­lin. Trip­tore­lin is one of a group of med­i­ca­tions called GnRH ana­logues. The ef­fect of these drugs is to re­duce the out­put of cer­tain im­por­tant hor­mones from the man’s pi­tu­itary gland.

But the big catch with all these things is this – would your boyfriend take them?

I re­ally doubt whether your new boyfriend would be in­ter­ested in tak­ing any med­i­ca­tion that would re­duce his li­bido. I sup­pose it is pos­si­ble that he might be will­ing to do some psy­chother­apy, to try to al­ter the way he looks at women and sex.

AIBut over­all, my feel­ing is that this man is trou­ble. He has al­ready hurt you quite a bit by in­sist­ing on sex when you are sore. Maybe your best course would be to get out of his life be­fore he causes you any more pain. I wish you well.

How soon does the Pill work?

Q Adoc? When you are first start­ing the Pill, it’s a good idea to take the ini­tial tablet on the first day of your menses. That way, you will be pro­tected im­me­di­ately. If you start later in your cy­cle, you will prob­a­bly not be pro­tected for around two weeks.

I think about other women while hav­ing sex with my wife

QHow soon af­ter I start tak­ing the Pill will I be pro­tected against preg­nancy, Doc, I am a 32-year-old man and I find that when I have sex with my wife, im­ages of other women drift into my mind just at the mo­ment of cli­max.

I do not want to do this, be­cause I feel as if I am be­ing un­faith­ful to my spouse. Is there any way I could stop this from hap­pen­ing?

AWell, re­search has shown that this hap­pens with many men. It also hap­pens with a lot of women, too.

If you are trou­bled by this phe­nom­e­non, you could see a ther­a­pist or coun­sel­lor to talk about what is hap­pen­ing in your mind dur­ing sex. How­ever, there is also a sim­ple cost-free thing you could try.

When­ever you start hav­ing in­ter­course with your spouse, try and fix in your mind an im­age of her – stark naked and hav­ing a won­der­ful time sex­u­ally. It doesn’t re­ally mat­ter what you imag­ine her do­ing, but right up to the mo­ment of or­gasm and be­yond, your im­age must be of her, and of no other women.

If you can man­age to keep do­ing this for a few weeks, there is a good chance that you will no longer be trou­bled by those thoughts of other women.

Can breast­feed­ing de­lay my pe­riod?

QSince I had my first child a few months ago, I have not had my pe­riod. Does this have any­thing to do with the fact that I am breast­feed­ing?

AYes. In most women, but not all, in­ten­sive breast­feed­ing will de­lay the re­turn of the menses.

How­ever, if a woman doesn’t breast­feed real in­ten­sively (for in­stance, if she gives the child bot­tles dur­ing the day), then her pe­ri­ods may re­turn sooner. There is a great deal of in­di­vid­ual vari­a­tion.

In­ci­den­tally, in­ten­sive breast­feed­ing (like, once ev­ery three hours) does also give you some pro­tec­tion against un­wanted preg­nancy. But ex­perts say that miss­ing even one feed can dan­ger­ously re­duce this con­tra­cep­tive ef­fect.

My view is that once the baby is six months old, you should not rely on breast­feed­ing as a con­tra­cep­tive method. If in doubt, seek the ad­vice of a mid­wife or doc­tor.

Strange con­doms

QDoc, while in Europe re­cently, I bought some un­usual con­doms. They are brightly coloured,and have lit­tle pro­jec­tions stick­ing out. The girl who sold them to me (in a sex shop) told me that these pro­jec­tions would de­light women by giv­ing them nice sen­sa­tions. Two ques­tions: 1. Is that claim true? 2. Are these con­doms safe for con­tra­cep­tion? ‘Nov­elty con­doms’ (as they are called) are gen­er­ally not re­garded as safe enough for con­tra­cep­tion. Ex­perts say that you should use a proper con­dom un­der­neath – al­though not many men are too keen on that.

Do the pro­jec­tions stim­u­late women and help to give them a good time? Frankly, I have al­ways been a lit­tle doubt­ful about that. But un­doubt­edly, some women do like the fact that those con­doms are brightly coloured and amus­ing to look at.

ATrou­ble pass­ing urine

QI am a 45-year-old male who is hav­ing some trou­ble in pass­ing urine. Doc, do you think I should do some kind of prostate screen­ing? Would the doc­tor have to put a fin­ger in my rec­tum? You should def­i­nitely have a prostate check-up! Can­cer of the prostate is sur­pris­ingly very com­mon in Ja­maica. So you must take that check-up to make sure that you don’t have it.

Yes, the doc­tor will have to put a gloved fin­ger up your anus. This is the only way of feel­ing the prostate gland and check­ing its size, hard­ness and ir­reg­u­lar­ity.

You will also need a blood test called a PSA, which stands for prostate-spe­cific anti­gen.

Don’t take any chances with your life! Get a check-up this week, please.

A

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